Man maybe I should have just stayed in California. First the airport totally changed since the last time i was there. Then this morning I found out Jon David died, and I had been trying to get in contact with him. Then I think I really mad this one girl mad that I chat with on the internet. Well I guess those plans on the night of my bday to meet aren't happening anymore. I'm really starting to think I should have just stayed in California :'(

Had my last class for the semester today. Now all I have is bunches of finals a paper, and a film to finish and I'm done for the semester. Exactly a week away before I go home for a while, thank god. I'm really looking forward to it. Getting really sick of being out here. I'm looking forward to going home. I might meet another person off the internet whose like a couple of hours away from my hometown when I go home for vacation. She seems pretty cool. I met her from the Amber Benson message board.

Love the Adam Sandler Holiday Video show because he show's No Doubt's Oi to the World music video. YEAH

Check out the New 3 Doors Down Album

Well the No Doubt concert at the Arrowhead Pond was awesome. The last show in Long Beach was awesome too. The Pond show was really cool since I was in the pit on my favorite side of the stage, yeah that's right the Tony side. I was up near the front on the edge of the pit so that I could get air when I got exhausted. VIPs were sitting in the seats right next to the pit. Guess who I saw, none other then Tony's parents and brother sitting right over there. It was awesome. Also when Gavin Rossdale from Bush went to his seat to watch the show he went right by us and I touched his entire arm and his ring on his finger. I don't even like him and I touched him. Damn I wish I had my camera with me. Oh well life goes on. To say the least it was an awesome night for the last night of the Rocksteady tour and the last night I think No Doubt will ever perform. I know not many people believe me, but listen to Simple Kind of Life and you give me some kind of reason to think otherwise.

Well last nights No Doubt concert was awesome, but the people around me were lameos so it ruined the concert for me a bit. The performances were great but the crowd at least around me sat the whole freaking time. NOT REAL FANS! WHAT FUCKING LAME ASSES!!! GRRR They played Trapped In A Box and Total Hate and Call Me. It was freaking awesome. Well I managed to get some pit tickets for tonights show at the Arrowhead Pond, should be awesome since it's a Hometown concert. I'm looking forward to tonight and hopefully the crowd will be off the hook.

Trying to get No Doubt tickets that are halfway descent for Saturday Night's show at The Arrowhead Pond the last date of the tour, and in my mind the last tour date ever for No Doubt, is pretty hard to do. But I shall do almost anything because it is No Doubt. Thought for the day "Do Well And Doubt Not" Also freaking Chapman turned off the internet on me so I'm stuck using Julia's computer, with the slow dial up connection this really bites the big one

I made a mistake and I just realized it. My teacher for Organizational Communication canceled class yesterday anyways. Oh well that doesn't matter that day is over with.

Amber Benson's play Albert Hall was freaking hil-ar-i-ous. Freaking laughed the whole freaking time. It was a well welcomed changed of entertainment for me. It wasn't depressing, it wasn't sad, it was just entertaining and funny. In times when everyone takes everything so seriously I haven't really been entertained lately. But this was just awesome. I really don't know what to say. It was one of the best nights of my life. It's right up there with the various No Doubt concerts I've gone to, BTW if anyone has some decent tickets to the Arrowhead Pond show email me. Now some of you people who know me, probably now are saying "Then I guess you met Amber and got your picture taken with her and an autograph," well you are wrong. I didn't. Being the chicken that I am I just watched the play. Then when it was over my friend said, "so you want to go and say hi to Amber and tell her how great her play was and get your picture taken with her?" Well I looked over where she was at and she was talking to some people and seemed to be having fun and I turned back to my friend and said " No she's busy with people who are her friends and I'm not going to interupt and anyways," *mumbling something* "yeah I'll leave her alone, because yeah I don't want to bother her and waste her time." So either it was me being chicken or me having my anger build up from the past or me just thinking I'm a waste of time to lots of people. I don't know. So we left. We went by a house that had tons of birds walked on moving concrete, crossed a street while an ice cream truck was playing music and out at 9:30 pm. It was an interesting night. While I was in the theatre before the show started i was writing on notebook paper various things and the pen flew out of my hand and almost hit the chick in front of me. I felt horrible I almost lost Julia's pen, since I lost my originally pen earlier that night somehow. Then I had to borrow Christina's pen. I took more notes down. Before that I drew a picture of a guy with a No Doubt tshirt with my black sharpie, it's pretty good for a quick draw of a person and no detail. I wish I could go to the play again tonight, but I would have had to reserve a seat like yesterday or so. Oh well, now off to dinner for what will be my last cafeteria meal for a while. I shall name last night the Crazy Amber Project. Interesting title huh? Well it not only deals with the play but the fact earlier before I got their I was acting really crazy. So it fits.

Well tonight I'm going to see Amber Benson's play Albert Hall. I'm really excited about it, I don't know why. Oh well, today I have to pitch my film. It is pretty retarded but it should work, it's called Monkey Lovin'. I'm also skipping Organizational Communication today, because I just don't feel like going to class. Plus I need to get some stuff done before film class.

i am a mix taper!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You're really enthusiastic about the music that you like. You attempt to discover your new favourite
band every week. You continually try to get your friends into the music you like, which annoys the fuck
out of them, but you don't know it. At least you're not arrogant about it.

Well today is the day for the No Doubt concert, and suprisingly I'm not really that excited. I hope it's a good concert, I'm afraid the set list is going to be the same though, ugh. Oh well I'll try to have fun. If I somehow get a hold of Tony before the show or after the show when we wait near the bus I'll be happy. Hopefully I will get to seem him again. That'd be fucking awesome if I did.

Also today I'm going to edit my footage for the dream sequence. Should be interesting since I have night and day footage, which I didn't plan on doing but it happened that way. Still haven't figured what music I'm going to put to it.

Man being Assitant Promotion Director is hard. My freaking email keeps messing up on me or logs me out before I can send the email message. Oh well. Check out my radio blog at http://djdabri.blogspot.com It has info about my show and what I played on my show. It's pretty nifty. Just heard back from Nick from Gametime, might get to do a lovely interview with them, yeah. I'm happy. Always remember people you went to school with wether it be elementary, middle school, or high school. And always be nice to them to during school. Because you never know when they can help you out. That's all I got to say.

Now on to Amber Benson. When don't I talk about Amber? I really don't think there isn't a day that she doesn't somehow get mentioned by me. But a play that she wrote is going to be performed at 2nd Stage in Hollywood. The play is called Albert Hall. I wonder what it is about. It's this Monday and I'm contemplating about going. Reason why I say contemplating is one she only wrote it, doesn't mean she is going to be there, 2 who the hell can I get to go with me to something on a Monday, three freaking wrestling is on then, 4 bad part of Hollywood, and finally 5 don't know how to freaking dress for a play. Never really gone to a play. I'm more of a concert going, musical seeing, something to keep me thinking kind of girl. Plays tend to be all talk and boredem. Not saying that Amber's would be like that but I have to get pretty into things to really enjoy them. I figured this might cheer me up seeing that I'm not going home for Thanksgiving.

Then that leads me to the not going home for thanksgiving bit. What the heck am I going to do during that period of time. I guess I could go ahead write up my paper for Organizational Communication. Then start my paper for Internet Communications. Then I'd have two of the many big things I have to finish before the end of the semester, which btw is not to far away, done. Well I'll stop my babbling and move on to finding a tracker for my radio blog.

Man this week is sucking. I have a spanish test tomorrow and I'm so not ready for it. One of the classes I need for next semester is wait listed already so I'm on the wait list I think I'm going to talk to the teacher sometime next week, or if I see him tomorrow I'll stop him and tell him about my situtation.

Other then school, life is just like there. I'm starting to get like I was near the end of High School where I'm just there and I'm thinking why am I even going to school and what am I going to do with the rest of my life. What exactly am I going to do after I graduate. I haven't really a clue what I'm going to do. I don't think I could really take a break after I graduate college because I'm going to owe my mom and the government so much. Plus I don't know if I'm going to go back to Missouri or stay in California. It's so confusing. What to do, what to do. I hate being an adult. ugh.

Hey if you get the Reese's assortment bag of their candy. Look at the Reese's Peanut Butter Tree, it sort of looks like a narrow vagina. I just thought I should let the world know.

It's a wet and dreary day in Southern California. Everyone thinks the weather out here is always nice and sunny, but it's not. It could be worse though. It could be snowing and ice forming on the roads, and man you talk about accidents ice is deadly and not even SUVs are capable of handling ice. So far all of you people who think SUVs are invinciable in cold weather are wrong because ICE don't care, you can't get grip on ice unless you have mega spikes on your tires. Oh well enough of my going on about weather.

Can't wait for November 18th because that's when the episode "Family" will be on. It's my favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, because it's revolves all around Tara. YEAH. Bad thing about that day though is I have to make my pitch for my final film that day. I can't come up with a good character. So far I have a male who is 20 years old, anal, works and goes to school all day, rarely gets to anything besides work and school. Clean cut ,except for he has a little goattee, always wears semi preppy clothing even when going out to have fun. That's about all I have for the character. The story I'm coming up with is this dude works so much and studies so much he never has any fun, he loses friends and becomes fustrated with his life. So then somehow, I haven't figure out how I'm going to do this, he finally gives and does something fun with his life.
That's all I got so far. If anyone could help me out a little bit I'd greatly appreciate it. PLEASE LEAVE comments, I need the help.

Man there are some weird people in this world that I just don't get. Plus people accusing me of doing stuff I've never done is total bullshit. I really don't understand how people who can't even come out with a sentence that doesn't make sense.

Oh well enough about that. Little bummed about Amber Benson cancel the metro signing thing for November 16th. But I guess that's my luck. But I'm sure I might be able to go to the date it's rescheduled for January 25th. I really think Amber is cool and all but lately I've been getting a little mad at her. The things about the negotiations but I don't really know what to believe.

Listen to my radio show 8-10 pm on Saturday at ChapmanRadio.com
Please check it out.

What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

http://www.metroautographs.com/upcomingevents.html

Well many things have occurred this week, which I shall right about but not all at once. From baseball, to more disapoint in famous people, to crappy people, to loving jamba juice. This week has been rather interesting and I shall post about those various things later on because there are long stories to go with them. I just always get to lazy to write about them right after they happen.

Man I hate coughing. Today I've been coughing and sneezing and having crap in my throat like no bodies business.

What shall I do tonight? Someone give me some ideas. I think maybe renting some videos and eating some junk food and making flyers and posters for radio sounds like a possibility since we are having a meeting at 6 with the General Manager of our college radio station. Oh btw I'm the assitant Promotion Director for the Station. Keyword Assitant. Yet to be someones bitch. Man I should think more before I go to a interview and talk more during the interview like I know way more then I actually do. Maybe bring samples next time of what I can do. *sigh* Oh well that's just how my life goes.

SLEEP AND RANTS

I need sleep. The semester is half over and I seriously need sleep. Midterms are over with the exception of one. My other health problems remain, along with some new added ones such as; head cold and I can't really hear well out of my right ear. How lovely. :( Oh well I'm tough I guess I could tough it out, but I seriously need the sleep. Then you add to all the stress I have dealing with someone lying for me for 2 fucking years. Then not being able to pay the billions of dollars of tuition for school and knowing my mom is having to like put out mortgages and loans on like everything. I feel as if all I do is get myself in trouble, and cause trouble for everyone else. I'm such a burden to so many people apparently.

Celebrities are prime example of people who let you know you are a burden and aren't significant at all in this world. You write them a nice later, yea I know they are busy but hey so am I. You take the time out of your busy life to write them a letter, and not like the kiss ass fans, but as a true fan who really enjoys whatever celebrity you are writing to does. You send the lovely letter in the mail and for years and months and weeks you never hear back from them. I swear they make you feel like you are meaningless and worthless and are just a waste of their time. Well you know something, if I didn't go see your movies, buy your merchandise, and support everything they do in their field they wouldn't be making the money they do now, they wouldn't be in the magazines, they wouldn't be traveling all over the world and having all the fun they are having. FANS make CELEBRITIES!!!!! SO HELLO TO ALL YOU CELEBRITIES KEEP THAT IN MIND!!! Without fans you would be stuck working as a waiter or waitress at a restaurant in good old HOLLYWOOD, that plane and simple. I'm sorry, I love a lot of famous people, and I know they are busy and so am I. My thing is not so much them write me a letter back, but to at least send like a card saying got your letter, letting me know that them or their publisist got the letter and it was opened and recieved would make me feel like they took time to at least open. Then after that it doesn't matter but just to know that it got there and someone opened it would make me feel like they actually do care about their fans.

I guess being out here in California has opened my eyes up to how so many people can treat you like an insignificant person. I mean back in Missouri yeah you get treated like crap, but you don't get treated like a freaking dollar sign every minute of every day. That seems to be the only thing that matters out here, which frankly really makes me sick. I mean money is cool, and it can get you a lot of cool things. However, if you aren't around cool people what's the point, and if you are hurting people it's really stupid. Which leads me back to celebrities. So many celebrities are like donate to this charity and blah blah blah. Yeah that's good and we should do that. But when they go and say we need to end this debt, or help these people from this country and you the American public need to pay for it well that's crap. Hey BONO of U2 how much money do you make? Probably enough to take away some of that debt. Hello you are asking people from middle class families, and I'm talking middle class as in the middle of the country who seem to be more likely to donate money whose average income is between $40,000- 20,000 a year which really isn't that much money to donate money to end a debt for a country who owes the US. I'm sorry but dude my tuition alone is 30,000 a year we only have a family income of 20,000 a year, we can't end world debt. If you celebrities want to end world debt you reach into your pockets and you end it. Oh darn that means not corvette for you, and no autographed Kiss Pinball Machine, and no decked out cadillac, oh and most importantly the decked out houses/mansions. Darn what a pitty. Can't live without a mini movie theatre in my home god forbid we not have that. I swear if you want to make a difference in this world then do without the thrills of being famous and make a difference with the money you are making and don't try mooching it out of the people who helped make you, and I'm not talking about your agents, attorneys, or publicist. I'm talking about the fans.

Sorry about my ranting on, but I just felt some things really needed to be addressed. I have about 3 more school semester left here at Chapman University in Orange, California. I figured getting some issues off my chest now would be best, before I go all mad and kick someone's ass.

Also congratulations to the Anaheim Angels on winning the World Series, finally a team that actually deserves it. I'll talk later about that. I'll be going to the parade and hopefully the ceremony tomorrow at 11 am. Look forward to seeing everyone at Edison Field tomorrow. GO ANGELS!!!

Hey, who is from Long Beach??? If you are from Long Beach post a comment to this message. Cause I know no one from Long Beach. And whoever sent an email from Julia's email address to my email nice try with trying to give me a fucking virus, didn't work because I deleted it DUMBASS. And DENISE if you are the one doing this shit you are in real big trouble, remember I do know where you live. Also I better get all my stuff back soon and that includes the bizillions of dollars you owe me. Also if you are covering up your acomplist and or covering up for assholes then that puts you on the same level. Not like it makes any difference anymore, since everyone fucking wants to screw me over. Yep screw over the chubby girl from Missouri who has no friends and no life. Well maybe if people weren't such assholes I'd have friends and have a life, but since most people seem to be assholes I keep to myself.

GO ANGELS!!! I'll be going to the parade and the ceremony on Tuesday at 11am. YEAH BABY!!!! Can you feel the love, can you feel the excitement. Well that's all my tangents for this moment in time but the person from Long Beach please give me a comment I'd really like to hear from you. Have a nice day.

This is like the bizillionth time I've tried to post. So I'm assuming Denise being the sick fuck she is put a fucking virus on my computer. So this one will be short and I'll post what I was trying to post later. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with people? They fucking lie for no reason. To lie about someone having cancer just really fucking pisses me off and upsets me. My dad fucking died of cancer DENISE!!!! Do you have no soul? No heart? What the fuck is with you? Do you think it's amusing to make up some person say they have breast cancer to me??? When in fact you knew my father died of cancer and I had a scare of almost having breast cancer DENISE!!!! It's not fucking funny or amusing or anything. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LITTLE SICK FUCK ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!!!! After all I did for you, you go and do this. I went to watch your stupid field hockey games when not even your fucking family would go. This is how you repay people for their kindness and genoristy that's just fucking bullshit.

* * *

NO DOUBT

ARROWHEAD POND OF ANAHEIM

NO CAMERAS OR RECORDERS

SAT NOV 30, 2002 8:00PM

Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim

Anaheim, CA

Saturday, November 30, 2002 8:00PM

$35.00

Charge by Phone: 714-740-2000

Seating Chart


Ticket Sale Date(s):

Internet Presale Begins: Wed Oct 23, 9:00AM

Internet Presale Ends: Fri Oct 25, 9:00AM

It is once again that time of year
When we go out and lurk to scream and face our fears
It's Halloween time
It's time to go get scared
Go to every Haunted House you can afford
If you dare.
To get lost
To scream
To come face to face with your fears
Never knowing where evil will come out
Never knowing what will be next
The anticipation mounds
as your heart races and gets louder and louder
Then the only thing you can hear is your heart pounding
Amongst the deathing silence of the room
All you can see is pitch black darkness
Your breathing becomes short due to the enormous fog from the fog machines
Then the next thing you hear is hello there and a roar
You are so out of it you can't even scream you just start running
But in what direction do you run
Then you hear a loud chainsaw and loud screams as you run forward
Being the clever evil person you are you grab your friend
throw them into the chainsaw man and run right by them
You dart out of the haunted house faster then anyones business
Then you finally are breathing, but breathing heavily
You begin to smile then laugh enormously
Then say "NOW THAT WAS A FUCKING GOOD TIME"

Which Buffy Character Do You Identify With Most?
brought to you by Quizilla

what band member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

That figures since everyone tells me i'm obsessed with bass players.

what band member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hehe thats so me, I lack musical talent but yet i'm a power hungry bitch

Hey my films came out actually good. A couple of bad cuts here and there but other then that it went ok. We have sub for visual storytelling and she rocks. I wish she was our full time teacher. She was very positive about our projects and focus on the positives and told us things we could work on and gave us info and terms that are used in actual film making it was great. I wish I was a film student now, but I'm not :(. Teachers who are positive and act like they want to see you do better and help you out and give you ideas I love. But I'm in a good mood today hopefully Robert will call tonight, I missed when he called yesterday and he left a lovely message on my room phone. Oh well that's it for now I must find something to study because midterms are this week.

Go Angels!!! GO small market Baseball teams!!! Everyone listen to my radio show on the web on Saturday 8-10 pm at ChapmanRadio.com and Friday night I'll be filling in for someone during the 8-10 pm slot. So get online and listen to me screw up big time. HAHAHA. Man I love the Buffy chat on the official upn page. So far I've gotten one chick from West Hollywood who wants to hang out with me, and a girl from Hawaii who might be coming to my college next year. Then an email of another chica. Damn it's great. Now I got to get some guys, hahaha I'm weird. What I really need is a response back from Amber Benson for the letter I gave her at the autograph signing then I'd be in a REALLY SUPER DOOPER GREAT MOOD. :) If anyone has any suggestions for songs I should most definately play on my show email me, or leave comments to this post.

Angels are going to World Series!!! Get your playoff tickets here Anyways, this week and weekend have been werid. I just realized I don't stay on the comp for a long time like I usually do. I guess its cause my schedule is rather hectic or maybe I'm too lazy to go practice my web skills for class and maybe I just get damned bored staying online. Friday was pretty damn funny cause someone posted on the annoucments as a joke that our varsity won 14-0 against the team we lost to on thursday. They read off the whole roster, my friend was rather pissed and demanded to know who did it. I came home early on Friday to have lunch with my mom and then I found my dad almost getting into a fight with my racist ass neighbor, we called the cops on my neighbor though. Today, I saw my history teacher from last year with his baby daughther, she's so cute! Jennifer msgs me and tells me her younger bro is in a cast cause he fractured or broke his arm when he went bowling. How the heck can you break an arm in bowling? I can understand the spraining the arm part, cause I've done it. But breaking the arm is so unheard of. Anyways, of course this post doesn't make sense or have perfect English like all of the other posts i've made, so i'm going to go do something productive.

ahh... the life of a superheroine

*answer me this*

-one. what's on your bedside table?:
*no bedside table

-two. what's the geekiest part of your music collection?:
*phantom of the opera and some other classical music CDs that are at home

-three. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?:
*whatever is in it and cool blue rasberry gatorade

-four. what is your secret guaranteed weeping film?:
* don't cry during movies and all

-five. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?:
*i don't think i could handle that

-six. do you have a completely irrational fear?:
*i don't think any fear of mine is irrational

-seven. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?:
*i guess biting my finger nails

-eight. do you ever have to beg?:
*yep

-nine. do you have too many love interests?:
* no just the right amount which is none

-ten. do you know anyone famous?:
*not personally, but one day i will

-eleven. describe your bed?:
*messy but comfy and all blue

-twelve. spontaneous or plan?:
*spontaneous is awesome, but planned is good

-thirteen. who should play you in a movie about your life?:
*no clue i'd probably be hard to play.

-fourteen. do you know how to play poker?:
*nope

-fifteen. what do you carry with you at all times?:
*keys, wallet, cell phone, back pack

-sixteen. how do you drive?:
*good, and sometimes interesting

-seventeen. what do you miss most about being little?:
*not worrying about what people think or say and just going out and playing and having fun

-eighteen. are you happy with your given name?:
*it's ok not much I can do about it

-nineteen. what color is your bedroom?:
*well at home white with marks on it and some posters, and orm is offwhite and posters all over

-twenty. what was the last song you were listening to?:
* 311 "Amber"

-twenty-one. have you ever been in a school play?:
*Yes,cinderella, I was the freaking head bird

-twenty-two. have you ever been in love?:
*don't know

-twenty-three. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?:
*nope

-twenty-four: do you think you're cute?:
*nope

-twenty-five. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?:
*depends on who i'm dealing with

I just saw Christina Aguilera's new video for her song "Dirrty". (Notice the intentional misspelling of 'dirty'. I suppose that makes her hip and cutting-edge.) Its soo damn slutty, I swear its probably soft porn. And jeez, her ass is like eating her shorts.


She is now, officially, the Queen of Skank.

Have a nice weekend

*answer me this*

-one. what's on your bedside table?:
*My CD clock radio, bunch of cds, field hockey stuff, keychains...

-two. what's the geekiest part of your music collection?:
*can't really think of any...

-three. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?:
*eat? nothing. drink? water.

-four. what is your secret guaranteed weeping film?:
*i don't have one.

-five. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?:
*i can be all self-confident and say "nothing! i <3 me!"

-six. do you have a completely irrational fear?:
*i'm afriad of people hitting the ball at me (partically Dom on a good hitting day)when I'm the goalie and yet have a million pads for protection and a nice helmet to protect my head. and heights. and walking on the place where theres a million cars on the bottom of the freeway. ::shudder::

-seven. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?:
*I try to fix my hair alot.

-eight. do you ever have to beg?:
*not really.

-nine. do you have too many love interests?:
*I like this one guy right now

-ten. do you know anyone famous?:
*kind of, not really, but i know people who know people who are famous. does that count?

-eleven. describe your bed?:
*a big comfortable mess with a million pillows.

-twelve. spontaneous or plan?:
*anyone who knows me knows i love to plan. But I enjoy being more spontaneous moments with people though

-thirteen. who should play you in a movie about your life?:
*lucy liu? only decent asian actress i know.

-fourteen. do you know how to play poker?:
*do i?! of course, i'm effing asian. I'm like the princess of thirteen (Tien Len), etc.

-fifteen. what do you carry with you at all times?:
*My keys to my house and field hockey shed, cell phone, wallet (things in wallet-- ID cards, discount cards), a purse of some sort, preferably my dickies purse, hair brush

-sixteen. how do you drive?:
*like an asian, well that was like weeks ago...so now I drive like a safe driver always using the turn signals.....

-seventeen. what do you miss most about being little?:
*not having to worry about my future, living a carefree life.

-eighteen. are you happy with your given name?:
*it's ok since no one had it at school until now...and for my last name, someone else already has that for their first name, but a different spelling. So its not really that special anymore I guess

-nineteen. what color is your bedroom?:
*plain ol' white. with posters

-twenty. what was the last song you were listening to?:
*Avenged Sevenfold - "Lips Of Deceit"

-twenty-one. have you ever been in a school play?:
*Yes, in elementary school, I remember being a one hell of a wicked witch in the wizard of oz play

-twenty-two. have you ever been in love?:
*yes, lets not talk about that

-twenty-three. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?:
*sometimes, I usually get too hard on myself when something bad happens. i'm more insecure than you think. And a low self-esteem even though it doesn't seem like it

-twenty-four: do you think you're cute?:
*sometimes,lol.

-twenty-five. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?:
*yea, even to people I don't like. Sometimes too nice

OK, sometimes no one but my friend gets it.

It's taken me a long ass time to realize that she's been through everything I have, involving family, and that she's also happened to have gone through just about everything else I ever have. We talk about it, it's creepy. I'm not going into detail. Suffice it to say that she understands where I am now regarding certain relationships and I understand her situation as well.


Sometimes it's really hard not to feel like everything is completely out of my hands. Like no amount of random chance or genetics or environment could ever make us so parallel to one another, and that it has to be something bigger than that...


I've just been thinking too often about death these days.


Anyway, I'm grateful I have someone who knows what to tell me when everyone else can only say "that must be hard"

Hey Briann, you should play the new Sum 41 song "Still waiting" on your radio show, that song kicks.

I found out our field hockey team is in 8th place right now with 11 schools in all, which is surprising that we like lost four games, had one tie, and a win. So that means we can still make playoffs if we stay in 8th place or higher. Pizza party and a home game tommorow where i'm going to give the cold shoulder to a certain person that quit the team.

Well I found out last night that I got my radio show from 8-10pm on Saturday Nights. YEAH. So if you are in the small area of the city or Orange you might be able to hear it or go to ChapmanRadio.com, I believe and you can listen to it online. I hope some people listen to me show, because I'll feel stupid if no one listens. I think my first show, which will be this Saturday night, I'll discuss my Amber adventure and about being pissed off with people. So it will be a mix of highs and lows. Hopefully more highs then lows. Unfortunately I don't have my favorite No Doubt CD with me so I'll probably be playing something off of Tragic Kingdom first and then maybe something off of Return of Saturn. Other then that if anyone has any request email and I'll see if I can find the CD in the studio, or I'll just give you a shout out if I can't find the CD in the studio. My selection of CDs i have is very slim since I figured I wouldn't be needing them very much this semester man was I wrong. But I think my first shows topic will probably deal with Amber Benson and maybe a little No Doubt talk, I'll try to avoid my negative stuff, because if I go off on the negative stuff I might cuss and cussing big time isn't allowed.

Which rockin female musical artist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

is it just me, or do i always end up being gwen on these little quizzes? i probably subconscoiusly just chose answers that seem gwen-ish.

Alright, this has been the first time I've actually ditched practice. I went to the NFG autograph signing at the Tilly's in Huntington Beach with my buddy Jennifer. We got there there around 1:50 and decided to go to Old Navy to buy some secret sister stuff. And these people were waiting in line since like 2 in the fricking morning, which looks really stupid because I was like the 10th person in line and I came around 2. So we waited in line for hours while people were giving out free Tilly's stickers and keychains and stuff. KROQ came and handed out keychains, and I almost got a free t shirt, but the stupid tall guy snatched it from me to give to his gf, oh well. I waited forever for my friend Leanne to get there, but she finally got there around 5 and I helped her cut in line with my sneaky ways, hehe. NFG finally came around 6, which was like 30 mins late, so I got all of my stuff signed and I had cool pics taken with them and they were really nice people. Someone remind me tommorow to get my Avenged Sevenfold shirt back from Leanne, cause she wore it today, lol

Damn nothing is posting

I just came up with this idea. College isn't really a place where you go to be educated, become a better person, or learn to do a career. It's actually just a place to get away from the family. The further away from the family the more fun you can have. Not that I'm having fun or anything, but I've come to that conclusion. Because I'm totally fucking up in most of my classes. But I've done some kickass things while I've been out here. I think I'm on a Hollywood fix. I enjoy going to the West side of Hollywood for some reason. I remember saying last year I'm never going back to Hollywood again, but now I'm liked hooked on it and we don't even freaking do anything there we just drive around. Saw a movie being made too. Man this place is badass. Next time I think we need to actually stop and do some things around Hollywood.
Sometime before 7 pm tonight I'm going to go to the Goldroom and see if they will let me check out a Hard Drive, if they don't I'm so screwed for the rest of the semester.
Hey have you ever wondered if like famous people would like actually read people's blogs and shit. Man if people read mine they'd have great components for a character in a movie, cause man i'm crazy.

Anyone know where I can find a gun? I really need one so i can shoot myself with it, or have someone shoot me with it. If anyone is willing email me @ beaconstreetnd@aol.com or Get AIM an IM me at BeaconStreetND. If you are in the Southern California area it'd be greatly appreciated, especially the Orange County area.

I'm going to kill myself. I can't get a hard drive because it's already passed the third week. So that means I either got to borrow someones hard drive or find someone with editing equipment on their computer. Which I see neither of them happening, so I'm screwed for this whole semester.

HOVEN VISION AND TILLEY'S PRESENTS AN EARLY EVENING GREETING WITH NEW FOUND GLORY

The band will be signing autographs and meeting fans in front of the Tilly's store location Monday, October 7th, 2002 starting at 5:30pm.

Tilly's
18545 Main Street
Huntington Beach, CA 92648

Yea, i'm going to practice for an hour and then going to that, what a rebel...

look what I got today...

Does anyone actually read my blog? I'm really curious, not that I really care. This weekend is going to suck ass. I hate my life.

Hey speaking of birthdays today is my sister's 26th birthday. Happy Birthday sis, but she doesn't know this site or read this site for various reasons so oh well. I'm in Desktop Publishing class right now and we are about to do our company logos, but she must first look over our company's discription and I know mine sucks ass so I'll be here for a while. This bites big time and I don't want to fucking fail another spanish quiz. :( This year so freaking sucks I can't even describe. The only good thing about this year so far has been the fact I've gotten to meet Amber Benson and I got a hug and got blown a kiss. That is the extent of my utter happiness this year. Even seeing No Doubt hasn't uplifted my day. I really hope something good will happen soon.
Also I found out that I'm not going to get to go home for Thanksgiving. Yep that's right. So that means I'm stuck out here in California for like 3 or 4 days all alone with no family or friends or food. :( I can't even afford food, man it's going to suck. Never been alone on a holiday. So this will really suck. This is about as great as having a birthday in which none of your friends get you jack shit because your birthday is near Christmas. So not only do they not get you anything at all they don't even help you celebrate. I guess most people figure that you are just going to be with a bunch of family, you don't need to have a party because Christmas and New Years is close your birthday, well that's bullshit. I wish my birthday wasn't in December. Oh well that's my shitty life for you.

First off I'd like to give a happy birthday to Gwen Stefani, She is 33 now. I would also like to post up her wedding pic

Go Angels!!
Btw, did anyone get the Rocksteady shoes in the mail?

Filming this weekend is going to suck, because this will be the first time I'm going to have to edit, and I'm really not looking forward to editing. Looks like my weekend is going to be fucked like usual.

The happiness of meeting Amber isn't gone. It's just the pissiness and rudeness of you and your lying houligans, whom I really don't think exist that pisses me off and is eating me up. I'm freaking sick Denise, can't you tell. I wasn't ill or had any health problems till they majorly fucked my life up. If it wasn't for you and your lying son of a bitch ass friends, maybe I'd still be in a good mood. Maybe my head would be on straight and maybe I wouldn't be so put off and frustrated with people the way that I am, but that isn't going to change things. Because what has been done has been done, and if you all want war you got it. You abused my kindness, honesty, loyalty, and trust and for what? For you all to get some kind of laugh, to get some sort of amusement out of me? Well I hope you and your houligans got all there laughter and amusement. Also if they are reading this, which is doubtful since they are chicken shits who run and hide and can't take the heat for jack shit, I would like every damn thing I've ever given to you back. Why?, might you be asking. Well here is the deal I'm in $40,000 debt, I can't do jack shit, and I spent a lot of money on you all and I want my stuff back so I can sale it. If you aren't going to speak to me I see no point in you keeping stuff I gave to you because not speaking to me, means you aren't my friends. Plus I would like all pictures you have of me back, cause why would you need them if you don't like me and think I'm one big fucking joke. I really don't get any of you and hopefully once you return everything, and I mean everything back to me I can forget about all of you and move on with my miserable fucking life. Denise I need all my textbooks back on Friday too, but watch you will flake like usual so I won't be expecting jack shit.

I neeed a ride....

Has anyone taken a public bus, how was it? anyways, I'm supposed to go to Briann's dorm to fix her computer cause I have no idea what the hell is wrong with it. It sounds like she has a problem like my comp. But the thing is she is mad at me and wont give me a ride to her place. From her place to my school its like 28 mins. If I take the bus, i know i'll get lost and probably never end up reaching my destination or even get back home. Can anyone give me a ride? I'm majorly fucked if i don't get to her place and fix her comp, she's probably going to kill me. How about I just spare the energy and hope someone takes off my head with a stick.

i really can't stand school right now, chem is so frustrating and I think i'm failing. and on top of that my mom lost her job and my dad barely has any business, yesterday he blew up at me and threatened to leave the house. which sucks. and on top of that Briann's like on some major mood swings, she was really happy on the weekend cause she got to meet her idol Amber Benson, I'm really happy for her cause she met her idol. and now she's like in a bad mood cause I guess the euphoria of meeting her is gone. I have no idea if she's getting better or not, Maybe when I fix her comp(hopefully. everyone thinks i'm some kinda prodigy at that stuff, which I can safely say i'm not)She'll be in a better mood.

Which Smiley are You?

Created by Jessi.

Hey Briann, I got your comments thing to work. And I got a matching template too :)

omg it works!!!!!!

testing... again

Stupid comments thingy, I got it to say Comments, but you can;t click on the damn thing, what else is going to go wrong today, Jeez someone go to my game tommorow and shoot me.

Ok, for some reason this comments thing won't work, I gotta try something new.

testing comments thingy

My computer is fucking up. Stupid Explorer on the computer. Plus it won't let me restore my computer. It really sucks. So I will have trouble getting online.

I haven't updated this in a while, so heres random snippets:

• I acutally went to the pep rally for field hockey at school today, they made the me get on stage cause I was the dumb captain and made me introduce our team(JV cause my varsity friends decided to leave me hanging there alone), you could hear me stuttering for miles on end.
  
• We tied our field hockey game today (0-0), we should have won, but its cause we can't score for crap. At least I didn't screw up when they had some penalty stroke on me, I would never hear the end of it if I missed it. It was the game of the week so the ASB was watching the game and they gave us these cute FV cups with candy in it. Our JV did even better than us, 9-0.
  
• There was a fight in the hall where my locker is located in, too bad I missed it.
  
• I can't catch a football even if my life depended on it.
  
• Chemistry test tommrow
  
• The Crucible is a boring movie
  
• Red Dragon Oct 4 :)
  
• I have a crush on someone new
  

Song of the moment: Lifehouse - "Spin"

Hey everyone, nostalgia time. Go to Grokster, right now. yeap. there yet? Download some Ren and Stimpy episodes. For some reason, every episode of Ren and Stimpy on Grokster or Kazaa uses an odd audio compression called Windows Audio V2, which apparently isnt even supported by Microsoft. In order to hear them, you will need to download the "Nemo Codec Pack"

After that, it's goodness. Go for it.

THE AMBER IS THE COLOR OF YOU ENERGY PROJECT

Originally posted late Saturday night but I figured I'd repost it again because I just freaking feel like it. Plus I didn't use the title last time.

Ok let's start from the begining. My roommate felt nauseated this morning so that i was seeing bad signs popping up. Then the weather was over cast and dreary another thing is usually a bad sign to me. The other bad sign was that we got lost on Sunset BLVD map quest told us to turn right instead of left. So we were lost for a while went up and down two times in a row. Then finally we stopped at an ARCO gas station and dude told us we were 12 miles away and needed to keep going to Fairfax. Well it was way passed Fairfax. We saw many things I never thought I'd see before, like KTLA studio, Nickoloden studio, and the CNN, and the Palladium. Man there was millions of studios we saw. Then finally we got to the Tower Records line wasn't long and it was like 10 something am. so we went over to the book shop. Didn't find anything there then looked at magazines. Didn't find anything, but the place had the largest smut magazine selection I'd ever seen. Man jack off city for people probably of all sexual preferences. Rather interesting since I'm not use to seeing a whole section of porn magazines.

So Then we went back to Tower and I bought the Buffy Musical CD and No Doubt Maxium which is an interview CD, I figured I'd go buy the No Doubt thing too because I love No Doubt and I hadn't been able to find that anywhere. So then we got in the line and sat for a while then the moved the line to the dumpsters. Then we sat down again and tried studying some flash cards for our various classes, my roomies art, my spanish. I was too distracted then two friends from school came andthey got into line with us. The one was hungry so I went with her to get some subway. It was good I had a ham with cheese and lettuce. It was good. But I figured I'd get some Mountain Dew figuring it would make me act crazy enough to actually say something to Amber, instead of just looking and being in shock. So we wait in line then Joss Whedon drives and pulls into the sparking space I'm right in front of. Nice BMW and the liscense plate was awesome. Then eventually the line starts moving and I'm doing and singing weird and wacky shit to my roomie and my two new acquaintances from school. They think I'm freaking hilarious and loved my shirt that said "I've had A BAD WEEK MAY I HAVE A HUG" and then the back said which some people didn't get to see because of my backpack but it said "I'm in $40,000 debt due to Chapman University" Which they understood totally because they go there also. I swear our school likes to rape us of our money. But the closer we got the more like i felt one either I'm going to pass out, two I'm going to throw up or three I was going to die because my side pains had been starting up again. Caffenine BAD BAD BAD. We finally get into the store in the line and I'm like freaking. And Megan says she is so going to pass out when she gets up to Amber. She's freaking going insane and is going to flip. I started taking pictures. Then I guess I pissed off Michelle I forgot her last name , but she plays Dawn cause I kind of just said here. I didn't mean too but I was feeling rather not well and extremely nervous. After she signed the CD cover I shook her hand and said nice to meet you. The Joss I got him to sign my CD cover and I put out my hand and said nice to me you and he was like wow. Don't know if the wow was for my awesome hand shake, the fact i didn't give him shit for killing of my favorite character or for the blue finger nail polish i was wearing. I should of asked, but too nervous too because who was next. Bingo AMBER. I go to hand my CD cover and she already started reading my shirt and she was like aaaah She signed my CD cover and was like you sure can have a hug and i was like yeah and then i said can i get a pic with you too and she's like sure but i better get a hug first i was like yeah and my roomie was laughing when Amber was first started reading my shirt. It's all about getting attention and being memorable when you want to get noticed by someone famous. So I was dissing on my roomie cause she was having problems with the camera, while I had my arm around Amber who was bending over the table to pose for the picture. Man the smile on my face was huge. hahaha. Then I was like thanks, she said your welcome. Then she started talking to my roomie and said you must have waited a long time and my roomie was like yeah and said thanks. Then my roomie came to me and said the letter and i was like shit then i tried to get it back to her, bodyguard said you need to leave and i was like i forgot to give her this letter and then i just tossed over by her and she was signing Megan's CD cover during this and she looked over and said for me ahh sweet and she smile and blew me a kiss goodbye. Man the expression on my face must have been something. Because Megan was cracking up and so was my roomie. I should have stayed over there longer because my other friend Christina stayed and talked to her for two minutes. I wish I could have taken more pictures of Amber, especially when she blew me the kiss but I wasn't expecting that at all. Well I hope she reads my letter and maybe I'll get a response. Now that would be cool, if not oh well guess I just have to live with that. Also she was like oh cool your finger nails match your tshirt that's awesome. Too bad being the loser I am all I said was yeah and yeah and yeah and yeah and just smiled, I had like so many things to say and all but for some reason I just couldn't say anything I was so in like awe. There is more to it than that too, but I'm not going to dwell on that too much. This will probably be the only time I'll ever meet her. But it truely made up for the bad week, month, year I was having. She truly made me happy and I really appreciate it. She probably couldn't even comprehend how much it meant to me that she said as much as she said too me. Also how much blowing a kiss to me meant to me either. I was like completely happy. I guess now the past is the past and I'm going to try to start a new. Forget about past and just remember everything from that moment in time and after. I gave her the web address to this site, and if she actually made it through the letter that I know was depressing and saw the website and actually came that'd be cool. It truly was a great day for me, maybe all the pain I've been through will slowly disapear. Amber Benson is the greatest.

I need to add another link to my blog That's Christina's website . She's a super huge Buffy Fan, her like computer is like all buffied. I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard. She even has the pilot episode of Buffy with the ugly looking Willow on there. I'm looking forward to seeing that. Hahaha. But check out her site it's cool. Her top 10 list are the best.

Was looking through some blogs because I was bored saw this on one decided I'd do it too, because I'm that damn bored, and the high of happiness I had yesterday has gone away. Back to reality..... ARGH!!!!

1) Full Name: Briann Noel Goin
2) Name Backwards: Niog Leon Nnairb
3) Were you named after anyone?: yep some actress, but dad didn't spell it like she did.
4) Does your name mean anything?: no clue
5) Nick Name(s): ok man this is a long list. Bri, DaBri, Blue Pooh, and Shiznit Pimp(interesting nickname huh?)
6) Screen Name(s): too many to list but I got BeaconStreetND,SkaManiac36,and DaBri1999
7) Date Of Birth: December 27, 1980
8) Place of Birth: not quite sure exactly but probably somewhere in the Kansas City Metropolitan area in Missouri
9) Nationality: American- True Red White and Blue through and through I claim no other nationalities because I don't live there
10) Current Location: Orange, California @ Chapman University
11) Sign: Capricorn
12) Religion: Methodist (Christian)
13) Height: 5'6-5'7
14) Weight: not answering that and nor should anyone
15) Shoe Size: we talking guys sizes or gals sizes and which kind of shoe they are all different you know. I can wear a 6.5- 8 in shoes it just depends
16) Hair color: Brown
17) Eye color: Blue
18) What do you look like?: someone who just throws on whatever, and i always look tired or high, but i don't do drugs, damn contacts when you don't get enought sleep
19) Innie or Outie?: Innie
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: RIGHT! but I can go either way, just the left isn't as good though.
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: wouldn't everyone like to know that. You tell me since I haven't done anything
22) Best friend(s): none :(
23) Best friend you trust more than anyone:I can Trust No One anymore
24) Best friends {your sex}: None
25) Best friends of the Opposite Sex: none
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: ugh, no one once again
28) Crush: lots of people who probably would have nothing to do with me, maybe I'm exageratting a person not people, but that's for me to know and you to find out
29) Parent(s): Virginia and Dad is no longer with us
30) Worst Enemy: LIARS
31) Favorite on-line Guy(s): none cause they all lie
32) Favorite on-line Girl(s): none cause most of them i talked online to have lied to me too
33) Funniest friend: man there is a lot of questions about friends and i don't have any
34) Craziest friend: NA
35) Advice Friend: NA
36) Loudest Friend:NA
37) Person you cry with: I cry alone
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: yes, one
39) Any brothers: NO
40) Any pets: no dog died last year while I was still at school
41) A Disease: not one that i know of
42) A Pager: no
43) A Personal phone line: nope
44) A Cell phone: yep and it's 714 and i'm not telling the rest unless you really are going to call
45) A Lava lamp: yep at home in Missouri it's blue and silver
46) A Pool or hot tub: Hot tub
47) A Car: 1996 Black Cheverolet Cavalier
Describe Your...
48) Personality: never content, often depressed, but hides it with humor or stupidity
49) Driving: I drive a lot. When I'm bored, depressed or sad. I listen to the music up real loud and go get lost in the city and I always find my way back home.
50) Car or one you want: II got a car, but I'm wanting to get the Pontiac Vibe, with the six speaker system, cause I got to have the good tunes rocking in my car, Pontiacs always have great bass even in there basic sound systems. I'd like to have it in a blue, because that's my fav color if not black is cool too since that's the color of my car I have now. Just wish I had money to get it
51) Room: At home it's a complete mess you can't see the flour. The dorm well it's unorganized but not quite a mess, but stuff is here and there.
52) Whats missing?: probably my keys
53) School:Chapman University
54) Bed: at home a huge serta matress, dorm it's an ok long bed
55) Relationship with your parent(s): ok i guess
Do You...
56) Believe in yourself: not really since no one else believes in me
57) Do you believe in love at first sight? not really
58) Consider yourself a good listener: yes that's what i do best i listen to everything, especially other people's conversations
59) Consider yourself a good friend: Well I'm a good friend, probably even super, because I even try to be good to people who treat me like a fucking peice of shit and like I'm a fucking joke
60) Get Along with your parents: Yes
61) Save your e-mail conversations: depends on who it is from._.
62) Pray: A lot lately
63) Believe in reincarnation: YES I swear I was a taxicab driver in a past life
64) Like to make fun of people: Haha it's a habit, but it's to those people who don't like me and do crap that is just too easy to pass up the opportunity to do so
65) Like to talk on the phone: maybe, I don't like calling people, I'm too shy so ... yeah but if the person i was talking to is really cool and had interesting stuff to talk about yes then.
Do You...
67) Like to drive: YEPPERS
68) Get motion sickness: When on a boat
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: no
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: no, hello they are called chicken fingers you eat them with your fingers
71) Dream in color: YEAH
72) Type with your fingers on home row: dang i forgot what that is, and I should know
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: yes because I've been so sad and depressed lately and not feeling well
74) Right next to you: my stuffed animal Puggy Patch, pillows, the Buffy Musical CD, the mouse, and the wall and some music pinups
75) On the walls of your room: to the left of me now is various pinups of Linkin Park Staind, Alien Ant Farm, POD, Surgar Ray, Blink 182, behind me right now Big Blink 182 poster, Linkin Park, Then System of a Down Poster, Then below those No Doubt pinups, Then my smiley face calender. Then by the bathroom hooks with stuff on them none of which is mind. The on the closets are posters. My closet has Alien Ant Farm and Eve 6 and Cold, Then a Hook thingy then a Production This Way Makeup Hair/ Make up Wardrobe thing i stole from the Hoobstank video shoot and Then and Ultimate Fakebook poster, Then the wall to the right bulletin board of my rommies and tons of pictures all around it them my big huge bulletin board leaning against the wall with some pics.. That's about all that's on the walls
76) On your mouse pad: no mouse pad
77) Your dream car: 69 Ford Mustang, 69 Pontiac Firebird
78) Your dream date: hmm lets see with someone just going and doing whatever, got to have some music in there, but nothing really fancy
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: Jamacia
80) Your dream husband/wife: don't know
81) Your bedtime: whenever
82) Under your bed: shoes and towels
83) The single most important question: When will this all be over with?
84) Your bad time of the day: soo many times through out the day
85) Your worst fear(s): dying and being alone , which looks like will happen soon
86) The weather like: not too sunny but no overcast
87) The time? 2:39 pm
88) The date? 9.29.02
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: too many, and don't want to reveal anything
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: don't know
91) Your theme song: Right now I'd have to say "Remember Me" By Hoobastank
92) The hardest thing about growing up: laundry, money, dealing with people, health
93) Your funniest experience: So Many things are amusing to me I can't remember the funniest experience
94) Your scariest moment: When a dude cut me off back home after I was done with classes and trying to get home on 291 and I swirved to the side of the road where they just put oil down, and my car kept going back and forth and then lost control of the car it spun and it the end of a cement truck and spun back across over the lanes into the medium and stopped right before my car went to the other side of 291 that was going the opposite direction and my front in was munched up and windows were busted and while i was spinning i was just saying god please don't let a car hit me, and not a car did. Thank god.
95) The silliest thing you've said: i've said many silly things, just ask my roomie.
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: nothing
97) The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friends: nothing
98) The worst feeling in the world: being alone and feeling like shit and that everyone thinks you are a fucking joke
99) The best feeling in the world: I guess that would be feeling like someone actually cares about you and wants to listen to what you have to say and thinks you are special or are important

Still sort of on my happiness buzz from yesterday. Man I hope I can stay happy for some more days. Probably won't happen due to the fact classes stress me out to the max. Still got to redue an AD and come up with 2 more ADs. Then I have to find my favorite pop up AD for one class and type up why I like it and why it's effective. Then the major thing today is we are going to be filming at like 9 something our gravedigger montolouge for Intro To Visual Storytelling. I feel so horrible I was in charge of location and I couldn't freaking find one because I'm not from around here. My group probably so hates me now and is going to talk shit about my films now. Dude I try my best, things just never come out how I want them. I'm sure glad now that I'm not a film major. Advertising isn't much better since you kind of have to communicate with people, and I'm not a talkative person. Plus I'm never always sure of myself, that's probably because everyone else is never sure of me. Oh well, I try my best, because that's what you always should do is do the best that you can. Man my neck and side are really bugging me. I guess I should take my medicine now for those side pains. Man I haven't heard this Counting Crows song in a long time. "Round Here" awesome song. But what song to me isn't awesome. Listening to this song it sounds like a lot of my life. Yep my life is weird and messed up. Especially if you've read posts way in the past. Well now I need to go get the contacts in and change the clothes to get ready to go shoot some montologue with the boys. How come anytime I get put in groups I always get put in a group with a bunch of guys and I'm the only girl? I guess everyone just considers me one of the guys or something.

Interesting day. I had fun at the field hockey tournament, we finally broke our losing streak with a tie which was pretty good cause I am really sick of losing(i think most of the losing is my fault, hehe). And some bitch from Edison decides to back up into my friend's car while we were backing out of that parking lot. There's a big ass dent on the side of my friend's Corolla now. I'm freaked out about being in small cars now. The party was so fun, but I didn't like the movie we watched. And this whole paragraph doesn;t make sense, so i'm going to leave now

Ok let's start from the begining. My roommate felt nauseated this morning so that i was seeing bad signs popping up. Then the weather was over cast and dreary another thing is usually a bad sign to me. The other bad sign was that we got lost on Sunset BLVD map quest told us to turn right instead of left. So we were lost for a while went up and down two times in a row. Then finally we stopped at an ARCO gas station and dude told us we were 12 miles away and needed to keep going to Fairfax. Well it was way passed Fairfax. We saw many things I never thought I'd see before, like KTLA studio, Nickoloden studio, and the CNN, and the Palladium. Man there was millions of studios we saw. Then finally we got to the Tower Records line wasn't long and it was like 10 something am. so we went over to the book shop. Didn't find anything there then looked at magazines. Didn't find anything, but the place had the largest smut magazine selection I'd ever seen. Man jack off city for people probably of all sexual preferences. Rather interesting since I'm not use to seeing a whole section of porn magazines. So Then we went back to Tower and I bought the Buffy Musical CD and No Doubt Maxium which is an interview CD, I figured I'd go buy the No Doubt thing too because I love No Doubt and I hadn't been able to find that anywhere. So then we got in the line and sat for a while then the moved the line to the dumpsters. Then we sat down again and tried studying some flash cards for our various classes, my roomies art, my spanish. I was too distracted then two friends from school came andthey got into line with us. The one was hungry so I went with her to get some subway. It was good I had a ham with cheese and lettuce. It was good. But I figured I'd get some Mountain Dew figuring it would make me act crazy enough to actually say something to Amber, instead of just looking and being in shock. So we wait in line then Joss Whedon drives and pulls into the sparking space I'm right in front of. Nice BMW and the liscense plate was awesome. Then eventually the line starts moving and I'm doing and singing weird and wacky shit to my roomie and my two new acquaintances from school. They think I'm freaking hilarious and loved my shirt that said "I've had A BAD WEEK MAY I HAVE A HUG" and then the back said which some people didn't get to see because of my backpack but it said "I'm in $40,000 debt due to Chapman University" Which they understood totally because they go there also. I swear our school likes to rape us of our money. But the closer we got the more like i felt one either I'm going to pass out, two I'm going to throw up or three I was going to die because my side pains had been starting up again. Caffenine BAD BAD BAD. We finally get into the store in the line and I'm like freaking. And Megan says she is so going to pass out when she gets up to Amber. She's freaking going insane and is going to flip. I started taking pictures. Then I guess I pissed off Michelle I forgot her last name , but she plays Dawn cause I kind of just said here. I didn't mean too but I was feeling rather not well and extremely nervous. After she signed the CD cover I shook her hand and said nice to meet you. The Joss I got him to sign my CD cover and I put out my hand and said nice to me you and he was like wow. Don't know if the wow was for my awesome hand shake, the fact i didn't give him shit for killing of my favorite character or for the blue finger nail polish i was wearing. I should of asked, but too nervous too because who was next. Bingo AMBER. I go to hand my CD cover and she already started reading my shirt and she was like aaaah She signed my CD cover and was like you sure can have a hug and i was like yeah and then i said can i get a pic with you too and she's like sure but i better get a hug first i was like yeah and my roomie was laughing when Amber was first started reading my shirt. It's all about getting attention and being memorable when you want to get noticed by someone famous. So I was dissing on my roomie cause she was having problems with the camera, while I had my arm around Amber who was bending over the table to pose for the picture. Man the smile on my face was huge. hahaha. Then I was like thanks, she said your welcome. Then she started talking to my roomie and said you must have waited a long time and my roomie was like yeah and said thanks. Then my roomie came to me and said the letter and i was like shit then i tried to get it back to her, bodyguard said you need to leave and i was like i forgot to give her this letter and then i just tossed over by her and she was signing Megan's CD cover during this and she looked over and said for me ahh sweet and she smile and blew me a kiss goodbye. Man the expression on my face must have been something. Because Megan was cracking up and so was my roomie. I should have stayed over there longer because my other friend Christina stayed and talked to her for two minutes. I wish I could have taken more pictures of Amber, especially when she blew me the kiss but I wasn't expecting that at all. Well I hope she reads my letter and maybe I'll get a response. Now that would be cool, if not oh well guess I just have to live with that. Also she was like oh cool your finger nails match your tshirt that's awesome. Too bad being the loser I am all I said was yeah and yeah and yeah and yeah and just smiled, I had like so many things to say and all but for some reason I just couldn't say anything I was so in like awe. There is more to it than that too, but I'm not going to dwell on that too much. This will probably be the only time I'll ever meet her. But it truely made up for the bad week, month, year I was having. She truly made me happy and I really appreciate it. She probably couldn't even comprehend how much it meant to me that she said as much as she said too me. Also how much blowing a kiss to me meant to me either. I was like completely happy. I guess now the past is the past and I'm going to try to start a new. Forget about past and just remember everything from that moment in time and after. I gave her the web address to this site, and if she actually made it through the letter that I know was depressing and saw the website and actually came that'd be cool. It truly was a great day for me, maybe all the pain I've been through will slowly disapear. Amber Benson is the greatest.

Well today is the day. I might get to see Amber Benson. YEAH. Hopefully I won't be to far back in the line. Wish me luck. Later.

I find these alternative suggestions for Hallmark cards quite amusing. See what you think....



"So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay!"


"My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire. I noticed your cat. Sorry!"


"You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends."


"Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be. But don't fret about it. She moved in with me."


"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What in the world was I thinking?"


"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."


"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"


"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."


"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell 'til I met you."


"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!"


"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."


"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...almost lifelike!"


"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."


"I'm so miserable without you. It's almost like you're here."


"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"


"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."


"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday-- so we're having you put to sleep."


and my very favorite one....


"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


God knows i'd like to send that card to a couple people....

Which Buffy Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Here we go again. Denise I don't like the name of this. Just change it to some like The World of DaBri. That sort of would make sense. Damn construction at school is a fucking crock load of shit. They start at 7 am and are louder than shit.

you like my shoes? they go on sale sometime this week. they better not cost $100 or ill be pissed. pissed, but with good looking shoes. pissed, with good looking shoes, and poor.


yup, that'll be me.

I think the name needs to be changed again. Also maybe some other things needs to be changed too. However I'd like to keep my archives. But knowing Denise they'll get deleted like lots of things on my page did last time. If I give this address out to people I don't want them seeing this name jeez. I'm planning to put this website address in the letter I'm writing to Amber. So Denise you better change it. Man I can't wait for Saturday. This is like the happiest I've been all year, because of something. Hopefully, I'll continue to be happy and nothing bad will happen on the adventure we shall call The Amber is the Color of your Energy Project. hahahaha dorky ain't it, but hey we are talking about me and my roommate who I'm dragging with me who hates Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We've had many adventures, last year was the San Jose, Going Straight on the 5 Project, which has some other meanings and an inside joke, then Hollyweird with Simon Project, Then there was Cars, Drugs and Rock N Roll the Drowning Pool Project, Then last week was The Free Extras Project. I should seriously write about each one of these events and I think I just might. Everyone would definately get a kick out of them. All I have to say is some CRAZY ASS SHIT goes down in Hollywood.

Heehee, I already changed the name. Its named after an incident after the varsity game involving my friend and a guy with his stupid bike with the stupid basket and the stupid bell

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

I think I'm going to have to change the name of this blog since the person who does all the actual HTML and all stuff that I'm retarded about and can't figure out posts on here now, sometimes even more then I. If you have any suggestions for what I should Change the name of this blog to let me know.

My life is really fucking ruined. Everything is messed up. I have no friends, or anything. Everyone lies to me all the time. What is it? Does everyone think I'm some kind of fucking joke? I'm failing spanish, I feel like so behind in all of my classes. I have no motivation, and I really sense that I'm dying. My neck hurts all the time and there feels like there is a knot in the middle of my neck. Then my other health problems still exist. I really just don't know what to do. I wish god would just give me something to help change my life around, because as I see it now it's going to be ending soon. :'(

Mininum day is like the longest day of my life, I got out 12 mins later then what I told my friend, and then she drove away without me. It was a bad sign, cause later I played field hockey today and we lost 3-0 and I really sucked. Like a whore, I didn't keep my legs closed and the ball went between my legs and into the goal. Well, I better bring my running shoes tommorow then.

The Emo Game

Ok, I just wanted to get this off my chest, before my computer fucks up again. But if Clarissa is reading this post, which is highly doubtful due to the fact she never gets online, but there is something I must say. Clarissa I love you. There I said it, and not only did I say it but I actually used your entire name and not just the first letter of your name. I really just wish you'd talk to me or something, because I just like to know some things and figure some things out.

God, this has been a long week. Well, it's been long in terms of school, but the time has actually gone by quickly, its Friday tommorow. Do any of you ever feel like time is passing you by? I swear, days just fly by me. Kind of depressing....

Anyways, i am getting more used to my classes. I kinda like my schedule even though I have to wake up at 4:30 am to go to my zero period. I'm losing sleep everyday, its getting to the point where I really want to go to bed at 9 (at least I get to get out for lunch with my friends without worrying about being late), i'm learning to deal. I have a chem test tommorow and my Algebra 2 teacher sucks, she gives so much homework. Doesn't she understand that people have lives,other classes, and do sports?

I don't look forward to practice tommorow. Speaking of field hockey, this has been a losing week (remember that my pathetic life revolves around field hockey). Today we lost to this one team by 1-0. The ball was mostly on their side and we had like 12 short corners in our favor, but surprisingly we couldn't score. As for me, I could have probably saved the ball if i dived a little faster and let my stick out. Anyways, the game was really pathetic and I kinda cried when I got back home. The only thing I look forward to is the KIWIN'S Project on Saturday. Nothing like doing good ol' community service.




Ok. Time for bed. Yeah, i know that post was entirely pointless and uneventful.

What Spooky Being are You?

21% on the "How Much Asian Pride Do You Have?" Quizie! What about you?

I scored a 24% on the "How Much Asian Pride Do You Have?" Quizie! What about you?

I'm going to talk to my RA today to move out of this hell hole I've been forced to live in, because I can't stand it. Although I know nothing will get done today being it is Sunday. I will talk to him today and I ask about a room change, because it's obviously apparent my roommate doesn't respect me or my rights. Sounds like a lot of people, now of days concerning me. Don't know why I meet the shittiest people in the world.

I'm going to sufficate myself with my pillow tonight, because I can't stand any of this anymore. I'm continually made fun and laughed at and no one cares about me at all. I'm wasting people's time, space and money and no one gives a shit what i do. So farewell to everyone.

"Do Well And Doubt not"

I'm going to fail my spanish quiz. I'm going to get booted out of my dorm room once again this weekend. Plus I won't get a nice peaceful place to study, ugh my life is coming apart and my head is going to explode. Maybe I should just quit school go home and hide under the covers and slowly kill myself.

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active

Who's your daddy?? Find out @ blackhole

0. Web Development ROP - Eggert
1. English 3 CP - Baron
2. US history - Robinson
3. Algebra 2 - Lichodziejewski ( I still don't know how to pronouce it )
4. Chemistry - Kittrell
Sport: Varisty Field Hockey

Well last night or actually this morning at 12:08 PST I experienced my first real Earthquake. Man it was weird. First I thought the dudes upstairs were just being really loud and making noise then when my bed started moving, I just kind of stopped what I was doing. My roommate was like that was an earthquake and I was like ok. Then she was like Oh MY GOD, that was an earthquake. I was like that was weird. Then tons of people ran outside and were saying stuff. I was like how stupid they are there might be after shocks. It wasn't a very big earthquake but it was in Yorba Linda which is minutes away. IT was a 4.6 and I'm in Orange. Man my bed felt like a water bed for those few short moments it was pretty cool. I was pretty calm considering the fact I had never experienced one before. My roommate was more freaked out then I was and she's been through several earthquakes, because she's from San Diego. Well it was an interesting experience which I think I probably never forget. Hopefully it will not happen again, but that's life I guess.

You know that song by Something Corporate " If You C Jordan" Well I got some changed lyrics to it I will put up and I hope a certain person reads it and I'm not talking about C I'm talking about MR. ASSHOLE WHO CAN'T TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT ANYTHING.

I'm going back home I've been totally disrespected and frankly I can't take anymore of being disrespected by people who claim to be my "friends". I guess apparently when I say things they mean shit, well if that's how everyone feels they can just kiss my ass cause I'm sick of this bullshit and I'm not fucking taking it anymore. Don't abuse my friendship for your own selfishness.

Ok I'm at college now, and I guess I'm getting better, but not much. This cloud of depression lingers over my head wherever I go. I guess I cover it up very well by acting bizarre. I have 18 credit hours and it's going to kill me. I barely have time to update this blog. I have to film stuff like every week. Plus I suck at spanish so it will take me forever to do that homework and studying for that. Plus I have to read a bizillion of books and get like magazines and all and save ads. I swear my head is going to explode, and my roommmate keeps distracting me. Plus she's going to have her bf like over like all the freaking time. I swear my room is being invaded and I'm going to get nothing done. Ugh. Oh well, hopefully today I can't get what I need accomplished. Hopefully finacial aid will have my shit straightened out.

"I needed to get a big car because I'm not that great of a driver."

If someone said that to you, wouldn't you be scared out of your skin to have that person on the road, let alone drive around in a tank? But that's precisely what has happened with the proliferation of SUV drivers who are of Asian descent (yes, that includes my family also, I currently practice my driving for my driver's liscense with my mom's SUV cause we don't have any Camrys or small sedans like that). The person who made that frightening proclamation was a relative of mine. Maybe you've seen her or someone like her on the road small, nervous woman who barely reaches the dashboard and has an incredible lack of any driving etiquette. I'm not disparaging all Asian drivers, but I do believe stereotypes exist because for the most part they're true.

Or are they?

Believe me, there are plenty of bad Asian drivers out there (me being one of them cause I just got my permit almost a month ago), and the worst part now is that they're one of the fastest growing population of SUV buyers. I mean, nothing is less sad than to witness my fellow Asian drivers getting themselves in driving problems. I once saw a young Asian woman having problems parallel parking her car on the end of the sidewalk, where there was plenty of room and only a car behind her to back up against. How did she pass her driving test?!

But there's one thing between a bad Asian driver behind a Toyota Corolla and another behind a Ford Excursion, and that is the victim count. You could mow down probably one or two people with the Corolla, but with the Excursion the victim count could be as high as ten. Is that what attracts Asians to these killing machines? I had my own father tell me he wanted an SUV or a big truck because if he were in an accident with a small car he would be alright since the big car could crush the smaller car. That word "crush" is quite devastating, and for my father, a typical small Asian man, to say that he'd feel better if he could come out alive from an accident because he crushed the other car... well... something is just really wrong with the world.

I once went to a car dealership with my dad to test drive Lexus SUV to see what the appeal was, and one of the selling points that my salesperson tried on me was that an SUV could drive over a small car. I thought car salespeople were low, but to sell me on the point that I could kill someone with my car was so low I'm sure he'll reach hell with no problem.

So why are Asians so attracted to SUVs? Is it because they're big? Is it because they're so useful because Asians are known to be such avid skiers and mountaineers? Is it because they're so environmentally friendly? No, the answer lies in a more sinister explanation, which can also explain the awful driving habits of Asians.

You see... Asians aren't bad drivers, they're actually just trying to mark their targets (i.e. people, pets, cars) with their cars, which explains the erratic driving. Since Asian people believe in efficiency and quantity, it also explains why they love their big, killing machines called SUVs, because it can mow down more people in less time.

I just want to know from you guys,the best comeback you've taken on someone.I fail miserably at comebacks and pranks.They always...suck before they even get the chance to suck.Which makes my 'victims' laugh at my lame attempts.They only suffer from laughing violently hard.

My College Is:

Chapman University Students at Chapman University goof off a lot. Students at Chapman University masturbate a lot. 40% of freshmen are slaves. Weed is the drug of choice. The average GPA is 2.75

Enroll

What prep label are you?




Take the Online BULLSHIT fucktard tests:
How good are you in bed test by dr jo0lie

FUCKING YES! you swear wayy too much to be a great example for them young'uns. hell, you scare the adults as well.

Do you Swear a Lot? Quiz by maikamariel

Sometimes sometimes you can't help swearing. but you are trying to quit...are you?!

Do you Swear a Lot? Quiz by maikamariel

What prep label are you?

Take the Online BULLSHIT fucktard tests:
How good are you in bed test by dr jo0lie

The BED is for sleeping in my room! lol

Breakup song of the moment:

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

Michelle Branch - Goodbye to you

i was in hot topic on Sunday
and i was just standing there looking at the hard to find music cds/band shirts and i look over and this glittery girl with a pink tubetop was standing there with her obviously hardcore boyfriend <---lie. And she picked up an "arm warmer" (sock with holes for your fingers)
***side note***
why would anyone spend 14 bucks on something they could MAKE.
***end of side note***
and this little floozy goes "like...look at me *hee hee*. I look COOL in this. This looks GOOOOD"
so i innocently turned around and said "yeah...its not cool unless its abercombie eh?"
she left the store.
bwhahahahahahaaha....
am i going to hell when i die?

isn't hot topic's slogan on their bags, "everything for the music"? and then they don't even sell music at the one i went to in New Jersey when I was at vacation. that's so lame.

I'm going back to school but I'm still in pain. I want be posting for a while so Denise will be doing more posting then me maybe till Saturday.

© What's your Inner Goddess Color?? © Jen

© What's your Inner Goddess Color?? © Jen