I find these alternative suggestions for Hallmark cards quite amusing. See what you think....



"So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay!"


"My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire. I noticed your cat. Sorry!"


"You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends."


"Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be. But don't fret about it. She moved in with me."


"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What in the world was I thinking?"


"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."


"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"


"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."


"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell 'til I met you."


"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!"


"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."


"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...almost lifelike!"


"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."


"I'm so miserable without you. It's almost like you're here."


"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"


"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."


"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday-- so we're having you put to sleep."


and my very favorite one....


"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


God knows i'd like to send that card to a couple people....