Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Well I'm back in Missouri, and finally finished with college for good. Hopefully I did well on my final papers and tests. Will not know for a while though. I'll probably find out on my birthday.

Speaking of which I do not want anyone wishing me a happy birthday or even mentioning my birthday. It's rather annoying. Most people forget it anyway so there is no need in thinking of it. Plus it's just like any other day of the year nothing special about it. I've come accustom to people forgetting it or missing is so just continue to do so it's much better that way. Because the after thought birthday or birthday greeting is not much better.

I really think I need to change my template. So I'm going to mess around one of these days. Sorry it's been a while since I've posted but my life is boring and nothing interesting has really occurred. Not that anything interesting ever has really occurred before though.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Well only two more weeks of classes and then I'm officially done with college, unless I want to get another degree or a masters or something which is unlikely. I'll probably take some computer classes every now and then just to brush up on things, but that will probably be it. I'm really glad to be finally done with this whole messed up education process because sometimes I think most of it is just a bunch of BS. The stupid thing is you pay to learn to just BS your way through life, what is up with that. Oh well it will soon be over and I'll have to find a job to pay off all the loans and etc.

Well today is my presentation for my Ad Campaigns Class. I'm not really looking forward to it, but my part is rather small so I'm not worrying too much about it, however, I still have no clue what exactly what I'm going to say. It's about 4 hours from now so hopefully I'll think of something intelligent to say by then. Wish me luck.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Well weird stuff has been going on this freaking hotel I'm staying at sent back my mail to people because they thought I checked out, apparently someone with a last name similar to mine checked out. They could have looked at the room number on the box, duh.

Then my mom informed me that the farm only had 1/4 of the crop of what it should have had this year. So money is basically nill. So that means Christmas will be very short and almost non existant. So if anyone knows of any jobs available that I can have please let me know. Just either email me or leave a message I'm desperate. I don't just need one because of Christmas, I need one to pay of all my college loans and to pay my mom back all the money she paid for the part of the tuition we pay up front. So if anyone and I mean anyone knows of any jobs available where you don't need much experience please let me know. I'M VERY VERY VERY DESPERATE AND WILL TAKE ANYONE'S HELP!!!!!

Friday, October 10, 2003

I'm so stressed and depressed right now I don't know what to do. No one ever seems to be around o do anything. So then I end up alone and by myself. I get so worried or paranoid I start talking to myself and then thus freaking myself out even more. Which the leads me to be depressed. I just can't handle anything anymore. I really don't know what to do. Except I consantly rant and complain online, but that doesn't do me any good. I listen to what people say, but most people's advice I can't take. Either because of finacial reasons or because those things are just things that don't make me happy. I don't even know what really makes me happy anymore anyways. I don't know what wrong with me anymore. I think I've lost my true self. But I don't even know if I or anyone else knows who my true self even is.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Well I finally got a call back from Universal Music Group, but unfortunately each time they call I'm in class or somewhere else where I have to have my cell phone on silent or off. I'm pretty sure I'll hear back from them on Monday though, cause I'll be available to get to my phone, because I just have to mail some stuff and do laundry. I have an interview with ABC on Tuesday morning. Which causes a dilema for me. I don't know. Depending on how that interview goes will determine if I take the Universal Internship or the ABC one if they offer it to me.

Other than internships stuff not much new is going on. My life is pretty much a bore. Oh except for the fact I went to see a taping of Soaptalk. I'd only seen clips of the show online so this was the first time I'd ever seen the entire show. I went because Elizabeth Hendrickson, she plays Maggie on All My Children, was a guest. I ended up getting to see part of the show that taped before the show she was on and it was sort of boring. Maybe that's because I'm not really into makeup and acesories, however you spell it. Well after that show got done taping they made us go back outside and wait. Which was sort of cool, because got to see some of the stars from General Hospital walk out to their cars. The coolest was to see Anthony Geary, he plays Luke Spencer on General Hospital for those of you who don't know much about Soaps. He's like my mom's favorite soap star, and she doesn't even watch them anymore. Anyhow it seemed like hours before they let us back in and it probably was. When they finally did I got to sit like in the 3rd row which wasn't bad. Elizabeth was the first guest on after their host chat, they really do try to make this show like Regis and Kelly it's sort of really sad. Anyhow she was on and chatted about the character of Maggie, the comedy show she did at Caroline's, and then talked about being single in NY. It was rather interesting. I know I'm not going into details about things because my memory really isn't that good, so that's why I just sumarize. Then they had her sing. That was pretty cool cause I'd never heard her sing before. She's a really good singer. She sang the song Out Here On My Own. It was really good. I remembered hearing Molly Shannon sing a partial version of it in her movie Superstar so inside I was sort of laughing because I was thinking of that movie not anything else. But Elizabeth really sang it well and you could feel the emotion behind the song. The song has always been a song that's very special to me so it was good hearing it performed live especially by someone I think is really cool. After that she stayed out for this applying makeup segement, which again I really didn't care because I'm not really into makeup, but her staying out was the only reason I paid attention. Then after that I was just kind of sitting there wondering if I'd make it back to hotel in time for dinner. Other than that it was good experience.

After I left I decided since I was near the Sunset Strip I'd go cruising for a bit, because driving usually helps me clear my thoughts and I really needed to because of the decision on the internships. So I did that. Then got stuck in massive gridlock on the 405. That was just soooooooo much fun. People were driving like idiots too.

I've finished up most of my homework for this weekend. Now all I need to do is study for some tests and read some chapters in some books for some papers that are due in a week or so.

Did I mention listening to soft rock sometimes can make you feel really sad. That in turn gets you to become really lazy and do nothing. Then eventually puts you to sleep. Just thought I'd mention that.

Song of the Day: Daniel Bedingfield - Got To Get Through This

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Well I have a cold now, so I'm like in and out every now and then. Still haven't heard back from Universal Music Group or Warner Brothers. I'll just have to pray that something comes up. However, my cold is making me think things are going to be pretty loopy.

Well this Friday I'm going to go to 4pm taping of Soap Talk because Elizabeth Hendrickson is suppose to be a guest. I've never seen the show since I don't have SOAP net. So it should be interesting. Hopefully I can drag someone along with me. Because I'll really hate going by myself.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Well Thursday I went in for an intereview with Universal Music Group. I felt overdressed, but I didn't babble during the interview and wasn't shaking when I spoke and such. So I think it went ok. I really do hope I get the internship. Hopefully I'll find out on Monday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, because I need to register it before Friday cause that's the cut off day to register an internship or you have to then petition it.

Never heard back from Warner Brothers to make my appointment with them. So I don't know if I got disconected or they just never called me back. I'm going to call back on Monday and see what the deal is. Then the dude from the radio station never called me back after I returned his call, so maybe they no longer have internships available.

This weekend has been pretty much uneventful. Just been on the computer, listening to music, or watching TV. Ryan Newman won again this week in the Nascar Winston Cup Series. What I don't get is how these guys who win like 7 races are like low down in the points standings and the points leader hasn't one that many races it's stupid. But I'm not like hardcore Nascar fan so don't bitch at me. My favorite racers are Matt Kenseth, who is the points leader, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Jimmie Johnson.

Well school has been going pretty good. I've been getting things done on time and such. Just need to put more effort into the papers I write for classes maybe I'd get better grades, although I get pretty good grades without really trying.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Hey all! I know it's been a while since I've updated, but I've been busy with school and all. Looks like a lot of people have been visiting lately, that's cool. Feel free to leave me comments. I always like hearing from people even if I don't even know them.

Well today is the last day of the school week for me since I don't have classes on Fridays. I might be volunteering for this Buffy convention in San Diego in October. Should be fun even though it's not like the big name people, but whatever you know. Also today I sent my resume and cover letters out to a few places; ABC, WB, KLSX, and Sony. Hopefully I'll hear back from one of them so I can get to starting an internship. I really need some stuff to build up my resume. Since me being the pathetic person I am has yet to have a job.

Well lets see besides that not much going on in my life. Spent 488 dollars on getting a new pump and air pressure hose for the power steering on my car. That sucked. Guess I won't be getting the Sims games I was going to buy. Or at least I won't be getting them for a while.

I'm still waiting on my book for my Advertising class to come. I think I'm going to check the front desk tomorrow and see if any mail has come. Oh by the way in case you didn't know I'm staying at a hotel this semester. Don't worry it's got a kitchen and all that good stuff. It's like one of those extended stay hotels.

Now that the car worries are out of the way, things are starting to be good. Now I can focus on classes and studying and all that good stuff.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Ok well school has begun and I have finished the second week of my final semester of college. So far so good. I even watched All My Children before class in the pizza place here at school. That was a good thing cause on Tuesday I missed Henry Chin's last day and Maggie was on too, and I wasn't going to yet again miss another day of Maggie since I'm thinking she won't be on tomorrow.

Looks like No Doubt has some stuff going on. They got some DVDs and CDs about to come out for us No Doubters out there. I just hope that I can afford them when they come out. But it's about freaking time they released something new, well almost new that is.

I really need to get out and do something this friday. I feel like I'm stuck in this boredem that I can't get out of. It's really rather sad actually. Anyways the computer lab at school is rather boring and I feel like I'm about to fall asleep. No one seems to be online either. What am I going to do? Well I know tomorrow I will back in here finishing up typing something else for classes. Fun fun.

In my 4 pm class today the teacher bought pizzas for us all to have. So I didn't have to buy dinner tonight. Thank god, but unfortunately I had pizza for lunch. Oh well I will live. Plus I'm not going to complain cause free food is good food. Just wish I would have known earlier so I could have bought mexican for lunch instead.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Well I'm going back to Cali, so I'll be back then.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

They are milling the road I live on tomorrow. That means they are eating the road, in order to repave it. That means have to leave the house before they do that. Which means getting up really early and being out of the house before 7 am, ugh.

In other new still haven't packed yet and I'm leaving like Tuesday or Wednesday. Hello I'm going to be gone for four months so I probably need to get started on that.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

In a week I'll be headed back to Orange, California for my final semester of college. Man times flies by fast. I guess I better get that resume and cover letter typed up. Also better enquire if I can still apply for an internship for the fall at this record company I'm looking to intern at.

Got my haircut today,so I'm happy about that. Plus I broke in my tennis shoes today, how exciting.

I'm really mad I'm going to miss All My Children next week, because it looks like next week will be the really good stuff, or at least intriguinging to watch stuff. So I just hope someone tapes it for and that I can somehow find a VCR out at the place I'm staying so I can watch it.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Grumpy Bear
You are always complaining about something, especially about always having to do all the work, and make the easiest things difficult. Your grumbling can go too far and really hurt those around you. Even though you can be hard to deal with, others like you anyways because you are mysteriously charming and cute when you're mad. You are good at fixing things and are willing to take on large tasks...with a little grumbling of course!






Hahaha go figure, but what can I say. Grumpy Bear is one of my favorites, along with Bedtime Bear.

Friday, July 18, 2003

Man I wish I was in San Diego this week, or at least Southern California. The Comic Con is going on there and they have and are still to have a shitload of cool people appearing and signing stuff there. Man, just my luck I'm here and not there. This weekend would have been badass if I could have gone.

Any other news I'm getting new frames for my glasses. My vision didn't change with the contacts so I only had to have them polished. So that's cool. I got some dorky looking black plastic frames, so now I'll be trendy, haha.

Sunday, July 13, 2003

You are Lamentations
You are Lamentations.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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Thursday, July 10, 2003

No one seems to read my blog anymore. That sucks. I must not be that interesting. DARN!!!

Anyhow not much has really been going on. Went and saw Legally Blonde 2. It was pretty good, it seemed no one in the theater either got the jokes or likes to laugh or something though. There were two things that did bother me about the movie. Twice you could see the boom mic in the shot. That is some poor editing. Shoot this wasn't a college made film so there is no exuse for a boom mic to be in the shot, even if that happened in a college film they'd make sure that no one ever saw it cause so many of their peers would critcize them like nobodies business.

Monday, July 07, 2003

Well I'm working on this story that came to me through my various adventures in LA, Hollywood to be specific. It's a funny place. I have a seperate blog for that though, I'm still working on that though. Might go a different directions with it though then Ihad planned.

Today has been rather uneventful like usual. I woke up and checked the caller ID. Why, you might ask. Well the satellite got funkedified a week or so ago, and my mom had called the satellite guy. I figured he'd probably called today and bingo, I was correct. He left a message I believe. So maybe the damn thing will be fixed before next week.


Listening to my Space Monkeys Daddy Of Them All CD and getting ideas for Buffy music videos, too bad I don't have the software , the clipage, and the hardware to make them though. So if anyone makes videos and is needing help finding songs and ideas I got plenty.
Damn it now the CD is going wacko. Yeah the CD is really worn I've had it since 97ish. I listened to it a lot like most CDs I got back in high school, that's what kept me company. Those were some weird times. Most people when they hear the Space Monkeys kind of are suprised I listened to them. But they were a rock band just with a little technoness. Hey I liked Prodigy too.

I really think I need to go a long drive around to clear my mind. Maybe even come up with some ideas for my little project. However, it's really hot outside and the contacts just weren't going in today. I have way too many things on my mind and seriously need to blow off some steam and relax a bit. People think staying at home doing nothing is relaxing, got news for you it isn't. It's often just quite a bore which eats at you.

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Just been sitting around while people out and about in the neighborhood are shooting of fireworks, grr. HELLO, it's not the 4th of July yet. Don't get me wrong fireworks are cool, but not in suburbs where houses are all right next to each other. Fireworks or more fun when it's done safely in a place where there is room and not a great chance for setting someone's houe on fire.

Anyhow I was thinking about many things. One being why would a figurine company out of the blue decide to stop all their lines for Buffy and Angel starting right now? Doesn't make much sense. They should at least finish up the ones they had already planned on putting out there. There are tons of Buffy and Angel fans they shouldn't have much of a problem making a profit off of it. I guess they really don't give a shit though. Oh well.


Also thinking about some other things. Like for instance why Amber Benson is such a cool person. She's very talkative, actually listens to her fans when they say something to her, and I think she reads some of the letters people right to her. Also she never bad mouths anyone, which I think is interesting, because you'd think being in Hollywood where hatred runs wild because of the bullshit that goes on that she'd hate someone. Also since recently I've been reading some articles about this past season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer where Joss Whedon talks about Amber Benson's Character Tara. His story seems to change from interview to interview. This last interview was on FilmForce.com here is the direct link to the page in which the part about Tara is mentioned , it's a little ways down the page. It's a definite change from what I read somewhere about him saying Amber wanted more money from Fox to come back. Amber's story has basically stayed the same about them wanting to change Tara into evil Tara, which Amber thought would be hurting the fans who had already had a hard time with her death. This would have been seen in the episode Conversations With Dead People.
My personal opinion on the evil thing is that I think turning Tara evil for just that part in time, knowing in actuality it was the First as Tara wouldn't have been bad. I mean it wouldn't be making the character of Tara evil because it really isn't Tara, just like in previous episode of season 7 Buffy wasn't evil. So for those who think that by her being the character who came to Willow in the library would make Tara evil please explain that to me, because by the First taking an appearance of a character doesn't make the character that it's taking evil. So if Amber is reading this, which is doubtful, if that's why you didn't come back I really don't understand your thinking there, no offense. However, if the evil is not the part that has been discussed then maybe I could see why. But hey, what's so bad about being and evil character though? Hey Willow was evil, and lots of people love Willow regardless. So what would be the big deal in turing Tara evil? Plus it would have been funny. Just think about it. The one character who never really got mad at anyone really being all evil, it would have been amusing to me at least. It's like the kid in school who never says anything bad about anyone who kind of no one really notices, then all of the sudden a little while later they go insanely mad and start kicking people's asses.
Anyhow back to the interview stuff I just wonder what Amber thinks about the different stories he gives the media about her non-return. It'd be quite interesting to get some kind of answer about what he has said in the Film Force interview about it. Joss Whedon is a creative guy and you have to give him credit for that or you wouldn't have watched Buffy in the first place for all of those who go bad mouthing Mr Whedon, and go get Subway and eat on the hood of his BMW and do whatever else you did with mustard. We will never know the whole truth about the situation and that's ok with me I just find it really interesting how someone can change what they say about the situation. There are three sides to the story, Joss's, Amber's, and the truth. I'm not saying anyone is lying but I think some really great PR moves are being made.
But where was I going with this. Oh yeah I'm not saying Amber should be mad at Joss or badmouth, because I don't know the real story. However, from things I've heard from other people you think she would. Which I think would be funny, because she never says anything bad about anyone, or at least not that I have heard.
Anyhow Amber's cool. Shoot she is even doing a European Convention Tour, you got to really love your fans and pretty darn cool to do that. I think those will probably be her last conventions sense she said she was going to stop doing those.

I know a lot of the time I don't make any sense, or kind of cut off on what I'm talking about on here, but that's just what's coming out of my head at the time. Imagine talking to me, I'm just as bad. Well my mind is now blank

Song of The Moment Are You There - Oleander
Funny ass shit is going on between radio stations. A guy from 97.3 The Planet went to Independence Commons AMC 20 went into Terminator 3 got on a blow horn and told everybody he was Kenny from 96.5 The Buzz and he told them all the ending before the movie started. Then people threw stuff at him and chased him out into the parking lot and police showed up and shit. HAHAHA. I find it really humerous. If you take that movie that seriously you have a problem. Plus what a way to piss people off. Man I wish I could have been there to have seen that. That would have been awesome. Hey 96.5 The Buzz stop your whining and bitchin' and maybe people wouldn't hate you so much and you could go out with a bang instead of being flushed in the toliet like shit, oh and I got two words for you. . . SUCK IT !

HAHAHAHA, I'll try fixing my last post sometime later.

Monday, June 30, 2003

The Sattelite has gone screwy. I think the lightining last night messed it up, it's all fuzzy now. That's why I'm online and have been for most of the day. I've been really bored.

Sucks when you don't really have any friends or good health for that matter. I just wish I had better health, the friends part I've given up on. Cause most times I put so much into that and get nothing. So I'm just going to focus on myself now. I've always put others first before myself, but what good has that done for me. Not much, just get stepped on and used.

I guess I've never really quite been my true self since my father passed away when I was 11. I don't think I ever really grew up. I mean of course I did, but you know what I mean. I'm not big on doing the grown up things for fun I'd rather go to arcades and play with toys. Not go out drinking, clubbing, or getting laid on a weekly basis. I'm the one who just seems to still be that 11 year old kid who is the same person, but now is 22 a little bit taller, a lot bigger, and health problems. Maybe it's just all in my head, but I really don't think so. Some people say I need to go see a shrink and not a doctor. They say most of my problems stem from psychological things. But people who tell me that aren't experts. I don't really know anymore. In fact I really don't know much of anything anymore. Everyone else has grown up except for me I think.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

State of Radio in Kansas City
It's has been discussed lately that the station 96.5 that holds the claim of being Kansas City's alternative radio station will soon be changing to talk sports radio. 96.5 is from what I heard the number 14th station in Kansas City. I remember a few years ago there were only 3 or so less FM Stations. You had your Pop Mix 93, Country KFKF 94.1, Oldies on 94.9, Classical 96.5, 98.1 Soft Rock, 98.9 The Rock, 99.7 soft rock, 101 The Fox Classic Rock, 102 KY rock/classic rock music, 103 Jamz urban music, 104.3 Young Country, 106.5 Smooth Jazz, 107 The X Alternative music. That was how the stations were when I was in High School. Then bing bang boom the Alternative Station that winter changed to 107.3 Soul Music. I was quite furious about this at the time.

Alternative means a choice away from the conventional. Music that wasn't the mainstream was labeled alternative and I enjoyed that because it was great music that was different. However, if a type of music is suppose to be alternative meaning different or outside the convntional norms from society that means it should not be found on mainstream territory, which FM is a part of the mainstream media. Meaning that this music no longer could be considered alternative once it became the norm in society. Nirvana was once considered Alternative music then it became mainstream, Pearl Jam was considered alternative then it became mainstream, No Doubt was considered alternative and they became mainstream big time. All these groups and many more broke out as alternative artist then became mainstream, no longer needing to be under a radio station label as alternative.

The Alternative music in the early 90's was grunge, the alternative in the mid 90's was ska which was what I was into. Now the alternative is this punk music. Which a lot of it is rather pop punkish. With this being said is the 96.5 The Buzz really alternative, yes it's an alternative choice from the other styles of music you can hear in Kansas City, is the music really alternative, not really. It's a lot like the music that is played on the World Famous KROQ 106.7 in Los Angeles, California. Which I must say is a radio station that is way better organized than the Buzz and has a lot more support from it's owners and it's listeners. Listners to this so called "alternative" music in Kansas City don't last forever they grow up and their taste grows. It has been shown in the past that Alternative music in Kansas City as for as radio stations goes only last for little short periods of time and never has a large enough solid backing. We are city full of radio flippers never really sticking to listening to one radio station.

This has been bugging me lately because this is all I hear about is 96.5 and some of the listener who decide to call into the radio station saying that we need our jobs or we need and alternative. True people are going to be out of jobs, hey we didn't choose being DJs, i you want to stay DJs go find another radio stations if you are afraid you are going to lose your job, that's just common sense. Hey I want to be a DJ too, but if I were really into it I'd continue and if I got fired I'd go find another radio station, whether it be in the same city or a new one. Then onto the matter of losing an alternative station, that's what college radio is for. College Radio is alternative. It's usually not mainstream music. If more people would help out colleges with radio stations there would be more alternative choices.

Also I heard people calling into the Buzz saying stuff "like hey you guys can't go cause I don't want to listen to no Planet" and "man the people on the Planet are talking crap and are always talking not playing good music" Hey how would you know if you love the Buzz so much. See that's the problem. If you love a station so much and don't want to see it go then just listen that station. That is like a big reason why lots of radio stations disapear. When you don't have listeners advertisers don't want to waste money on those stations because they don't get anything at it. Without advertising radio doesn't really have other resources for money.

They tried the alternative music thing and it didn't work out. So I say go on try out the Sports Talk radio or Talk Radio, which ever the owners of the radio station are going to try next. Best of Luck to them in the fickle city of Kansas City. Kansas City has lots of people who live and breath sports so maybe sports talk on FM would be very successful. I remember when I was in High School that's all anyone cared about except me and a few other people.

However, I'm ok with things moving on and changing because who needs radio when you can listen to CDs. No commercials and only the music that you truely enjoy instead of half of the shit you don't even want to listen to again, because they play it like every 15 minutes.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Well went to the movies today because the AC is broken in our house. Now it looks like it will be a couple of weeks because we need to get a completely new one. So went and saw From Justin to Kelly or whatever it is called. It was a bad movie, but I wasn't expecting it to be great. It was like Grease, but not totally. Some of the songs were good. I wouldn't recomend it however. IF you really want to see it I'd say wait till it comes on video unless your AC brakes down or you are extremely bored.

That's it for now, because it's gettin' hot in herre. HAHAHA

Monday, June 23, 2003

Lately I've been on this kick of downloading songs from movies I liked in the 80's and from when I was in High School which wasn't too long ago. Just a lot of those songs are better than a lot of stuff that is out right now. Plus they are songs that just put me in a better mood. Man I wish I was in a band. I could come up with better lyrics then some of these artists on that the play nonstop on the radio. That's one of the many things I've always wanted to do was be in a band. But everyone tells me I can't sing, but have you heard a lot of the people out, especially in rock music. They aren't really singing. Plus I tried to learn and instrument, don't have the patients. Maybe some day somebody will give me a chance and some confidence about being in a band, but that's very doubtful that will ever happen.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

Hey all, Why does no one every respond or leave messages to any of my post? It's really boring when no one has no response to what I say or what I have done. Because it's like me writing for no one. So leave me a comment the next time you stop by. Me Out.
I scored a 43% on the "r u punk?" Quizie! What about you?
I scored a 41% on the "How Socal are you?" Quizie! What about you?

Saturday, June 21, 2003

Cynical Virgin
You are a CYNICAL VIRGIN.


What Kind of Virgin Are You?
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I am not a type of music
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.


What type of music are you?
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Info Black
Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
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avoidant


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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asshole
your asshole.


What swear word are you?
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OC Local
OC Local, You got your OC down. From Anaheim to HB
to San Clemente, you're down for some OC livin'


How Orange County, CA are you?
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Tuesday, June 17, 2003

An Interesting Day

First I got up earlier then normal because I just couldn't sleep. So then I get ready to go with my mom and sister to lunch because I figure I might as well go. Then they tell me we are going to Red Robbins, which is new here but there are tons of them in California. Well this one gal takes our drink order but informs us she's not our waitress. So pretty typical dining experience so far. Then we order our food. Then the waitress comes back and asks my sister did you go to Blue Springs High School and my sister is like no and the waitress goes you look familar from somewhere and my sister says Hall McCarter. It turns out she was one of my sisters friends from Junior High Lisa, who I always thought was the coolest friend my sister had. They hadn't seen each other since 9 grade. So it was cool to see her. I've never bumped into someone from Junior High. In fact I haven't bumped into anyone from High School either this summer.

Then went with my sister to see Hollywood Homicide. It was an ok movie. Wasn't expecting it to be great anyways so I wasn't disapointed. My sister got a kick out of the chase scene when all the local Helicopter ladies showed up to cover the chase. My sisters favorite Jennifer York from KTLA was in it. That's probably because KTLA is the only LA station they get here at home on the sattelite so that's why she thinks it's so cool. Anyway Hollywood Homicide doesn't have much action, and it's not tons of laughs, but if you are looking to past the time by it's an ok movie to see.

Monday, June 16, 2003

Well today I renewed my drivers licsense here in Missouri. Which sucks cause I had to pay 15 dollars and it expires in 2009. What if I decide to stay in California after my extra semester? Then I would have this licsense I paid too much for. Anyhow the cool thing is since I'm over 21 my picture has moved from the left side to the right side. So that is cool. That's about all I can say about it. Plus my picture doesn't even look that bad. At least I don't look like a drug addict like I did in my last licsense.

My neck and head hurt really bad. I really think I need to have a doctor examine my neck. I think I have a thyroid problem or something. That's probably what my problem was last summer, except it just wasn't noticeable as it is now. Whatever he problem is I really don't want to have to go through surgery. That's one thing I just really don't want to know about. My dad had surgery a lot and he's not alive now so what did all those surgeries do for him? Made him weak and they obviously didn't help him beat cancer. The only way most people can is if it's a low risk cancer or they got tons of money. Because if you got tons of money, they seem to give you better treatment and care. Also they are much nicer to you and don't treat you like shit when you are there.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Onesome: Quoth- Do you use quotations much? ..at all? What is your favorite quote? ...and why, pray tell?

Not really. I usually only use quotes for papers or presentations. Well most of my favorite quotes are from the bible or from songs, because they usually convey my feelings or ideas about life better than anything I could come up with on my own. I have too many favorite quotes just to name one.



Twosome: the Raven- The symbol of the raven has a lot of mythology and superstition attached. How are you in this area? Do you avoid ladders with black cats perched on them on Friday the thirteenth? ...or do you just toss a pinch of salt over your shoulder and move along about your business? Hmmm?

I'm a little superstious, but not overly so. I do avoid ladders because I've seen a lot fall, and cats I don't like anyway that much really. I have tossed salt over my shoulder, but that was just when I was joking. I believe personally if you believe in something strongly and keep saying it's going to happen it's likely going to happen.

Threesome: Nevermore- ...and the softball of the week: What is it that you've tried that is on the "Nevermore" list? ...and do people even dare to bring it up around you?

Eating healthy nevermore. Bicycling is nevermore. People bring the eating healthy up, but when you have only one life why starve yourself or not enjoy what you are eating at all? Seems stupid to me. Bicycling I just don't do anymore, but that's because my bicycle's brakes are shitty.
Whoa Blogger has changed a bit. Not like I'm good at this html and designing my website anyway.

Yesterday went to Branson, MO. Went to Silver Dollar City it was ok. Road a few rollercoasters and rollercoaster type rides. I also go five new wrestling DVDs so I'm catching up on all the Shawn Michaels matches I have missed. I also got my Buffy The Vampire Slayer season 4 DVDs and I'm enjoying all the special features on there. Very cool.

Sunday, June 08, 2003

Well the concert on Saturday wasn't that good. Plus the friend that I went with has changed a lot. Based on things I've learned, he's definately not the same person I was friends with. So I'm pretty sure I will no longer be hanging out with him anymore.

Not much is going good for me lately. Life goes on I guess.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Getting my haircut tomorrow. So soon my hair will be once again very short. You know what though, if that confuses people or makes them make comments then screw them.

Well not much is going on. Saturday I'm going to an all day concert so hopeully I'll have fun.

Friday, May 30, 2003

FRIDAY FIVE


1. What do you most want to be remembered for?
For making sure everyone was happy and laughed, and put others first before myself.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?
"When I'm in my room I feel good because I don't have to deal with you or the outside world"

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?
That I got my highest score ever a 180 at bowling and my first turkey. YEAH me

4. What about the past ten years?
Placing 5th a Districts JV and earing my JV letter for that reason in Track.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?
Live your life like an open book, because keeping it all inside and closed up will only make you suffer.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Well last night I sent a bunch of my friends a tons of those damn forward emails. So now they will probably all will block my email address. Sorry guys I was really bored last night.

Anyhow did a lot of inventory yesterday on magazines, wrestling figures, autographed items, and posters. Still have tons more to write down. I think I'm going to work on finishing my wrestling stuff and move on to music memorabilla hopefully. I need to store all this stuff together so that I can have it in a safe place so I can clean my room and the rest of the house. This will be my big summer project.

Wrong Turn comes out this Friday I think I'm going to wait until it's no longer a special engagement so I can use my free movie ticket. Even though student price out here is 6 bucks it's still a lot of money for a movie. I remember in high school when I went to the movies Fridays and Saturdays with my friend Heather. Back then ticket prices were like 3.25 or 3.75 for student. Those were some good times.

Monday, May 26, 2003

I know might this seem really sad, but I'm really starting to get into Garbage's last album Beautiful Garbage It's got some really good songs. I love "Shut Your Mouth". Shirely Manson kicks ass. I got some great pictures of her from the tour with No Doubt from the Long Beach dates. They aren't my best pictures, but they are pretty darn good from where I was sitting. Maybe if I can get them scanned I'll put them up on here or my other site I'm working on that focuses on my loves.

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Just got back from seeing the Sneak Preview of Italian Job. It was a good movie. The begining was a bit slow. It took them forever to get to the major conflict in the film. All of the music in the film was good, except I was not too fond of the remake of the song "Money". There were a lot of great shots of Italy and some other places. Mark Wahlberg is realy good in this movie. By I'm kind of partil to him since I've seen everyone of his movies, but Planet of the Apes. I would recomend this movie to everyone. There is a lot of guns and a lot of car chase scenes, which was the exciting part for me, got me really hyped up.

Next movie I'm going to see is Wrong Turn, hopefull y there will be lots of action, excitement, and hopefully some death and destruction. (hahaha)

Friday, May 23, 2003

Well today I didn't do much. Just went to lunch and then came home, got severely bored so I took a long ass nap. Nothing is on like freaking TV. So then I took a drive around town. That was pretty fun. Washed my car and filled it up with gas, but I didn't think the car wash really got clean. Anyhow when I got back no one was in the family room so I figured I could watch one of the three DVDs I own, since the only DVD player we have is in the family room. So I decided to watch Superstar and currently I am watching Final Destination. I think the originally ending and deleted scenes were much better.

Well tomorrow I think I might go see the sneak preview of The Italian Job. I've seen pratically every Mark Wahlberg except, Planet of the Apes. Not big on people dressing like monkeys. So I might go see that. I'm also looking forward to Wrong Turn coming out. It looks like that will be an awesome scary movie. Right up there with Final Destination and some other great scary movies that are realalistic. Those are the movies that really scare the shit out of you. The ones that actually could possibly happen to you.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Well, I can't seem to change the location on the side. Oh well, no biggie.

Finally I heard back from Nicole today. YIPPEE!!! You guys don't even realize how happy I am about that. I miss like a lot of things back in Cali. Especially a few of the people I've gotten to know pretty well.

Hopefully soon I'll get my hair cut because my hair is starting to get fluffy. Then I look all weird and shit. Plus I haven't been wearing my contacts lately, just my glasses. Hopeuflly I can get them in tomorrow unlike the issues I was having today.

Hey who all thinks I really should go and get a tattoo? I'm contemplating it now. But I don't really have the money for it Leave me a comment if you have an opinion about it. I got some drawings on my wall of some tattoos I liked.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Well I'm back in Missouri now. Oh what fun, can you feel my excitement? Anyhow I'm back home and the house and my room are a mess. Maybe I should clean up. It's so hard to figure out where to start though. Think I'll go through clothes and see what needs to be thrown out and given to people who don't have many clothes if that at all. Then I'll go through things I can sell on ebay or something. I was also considering finally getting a job. But everyone knows how that turns out I fill out the application then nothing else happens, or I even turn in the application and they tell me to come back some other time when I can work like every freaking day of the week. I think however, I'm going to work on the cleaning my room first, then move on to the rest of the house, and then from there maybe a get a job.

Oh wait by then I'll be heading back to California to finish up those credits I need to finish. I just got to remember to send my resume in to Drive Thru Records for the internship at the end of July. Hopefully I'll get the internship. If that one doesn't work out I'm going to try Nitro Records. I'm pretty sure it will work out though, because that's just how I am. Some things you just have to have faith in.

Speaking of which, if I were to ever get a tattoo, which for those of you who really know me would never happen because of my threshold of pain, Faith would probably be a word that would be in my tattoo along with hope and love probably written on a cross because of my favorite verse in the bible I Corinthians 13:13, So Faith, Hope and Love, Abide these three, but the greatest of these is love. Don't know if that's exactly right, but it's pretty close I'm sure. It's the verse that is hanging in my room along with my moon and my no doubt autograph picture and my shawn michaels autographed picture that I took the picture of and had him sign. But those are the things I treasure most, No Doubt, Shawn Michaels and that verse in the bible. They are probably the only things that have even remotely kept me from not doing something stupid. Pretty soon I'll put the autographed Amber Benson picture up on that wall, cause she has for sure kept me from not doing something severely stupid. Those people and that verse are the things that keep me going.

I just wish I was happy with my life. I've also done what I believe to be the right thing. Never done drugs, never smoked, never overly drank alcohol, and have never had sex. I'm kind to everyone I meet the first time, then based on that I either don't talk to them anymore or I am friendly with them. It just seems like I do all this stuff to be a good person and all I get for it is nothing. I get treated like crap, made fun of, and mainly ignored. People don't ever ask me to do stuff, and I don't know why. I can be fun just within means. I always have to ask people to do stuff and anytime I do I usually get shot down. I guess I really must be a bore and very annoyig to be around or something. I mean I know that I have a temper and sometimes go off, but I usually don't do that in front of people I'm cool with or don't know well enough to lose my marbles in front of. Or maybe it's because I don't open up enough to people, but see the thing is sometimes you open up too much then the people don't want to have nothing to do with you anymore when you do open up. So it's like which is worse, you know? I don't know. I guess I just really haven't found my place in this world yet. Maybe I'l always be the one looking at everything and everyone and observing everything from the outside for the rest of my life.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Just informing you I won't have internet access till Tuesday. I will be moving out of the dorms today and walking at graduation tomorrow. Have a safe and fun weekend. I will post when I get back home.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Well looks like I got everything that I can get finished, finished now all I got to do is pack and study for two of my tests, and prepare what I'm going to say or my presentation. Hopefully it will all go well. Now got to figure what exactly all to pack and what to pack them with. Because some stuff I can't pack till my mom gets here so I can put it in the "coffin". Also can't put the cleaning supplies away till I clean the bathroom and the rest of the room.
Hmm, Well that didn't work out how I exactly plannd it to work. Ok I'll keep working on getting the archives working right. Such fustration.

Anyhow the computer lab wasn't opened. Someone called someone and said their best guest would be that it would open up at noon. I really hope so because I just realized I left my disk in their and the only other place my group paper is, is on the schools drive. So I need to really get in there. All I have to do is ad what I wrote up and then add some resources in and then send it to Nicole. I hope Nicole doesn't get pissed at me. I'm not that great at writing in general. I'm going to owe her big time. So I think I'll give her a little suprise on Thursday for being such a great person and for graduating.

Hopefully I'll get the paper done so I can go vaccum my car out then go pick up my little suprise for Nicole.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

I tried working on the archives. so now I'm seeing if what I did fucked things up, or worked.

Friday, May 09, 2003

Well today was major laundry day. I used every amount of money left on my laundry card. So when my mom gets here and if I need to do laundry my mom will just have to get some change and we'll go to the laundromat. Other then that I've been trying to work on my Ad Case Studypaper. Pretty hard considering I don't know exactly what to put in it. Go figure me not knowing what exactly to do, isn't that typical of me?

Well this weekend will be a fun filled weekend of paper writing. Can't you feel the excitement? Yep finals are next week and got to get shit done. Anyone want to help me pack and clean? Anyways I need to get back to lovely homework.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Had an interesting group meeting today. Basicaly 3 out of the 5 people working in the group are putting information into the paper and are actually doing the work. Fun fun. The funny thing was when I was asked if I wanted anything I didn't really say anything and David, the person whose house we were at, goes and brings me a beer. Well we finally made what exactly we were going for and doing clear, and what we wanted to accomplish. Which was good for me, because I was a bit unclear. I wound up spilling some beer on the floor when I was going to grab something from my backpack. Which I didn't mean to do. I think everyone thought I was drunk. If was drunk I would have been doing a lot more laughing. Anyhow I think I'm on better track of what I'm presenting and how I'm going to go about writing my part of the paper.

Maybe this weekend I can get some more of the kahula mudslides from the grocery and drink by myself, which sucks being alone but I'm getting pretty use to it. Hopefully Audra passes on work and we can go see Amber's play, yes I might see it again. This will be like the 3rd time right? Audra hasn't seen this version of it yet so it should be cool and fun to go with someone who is cool and I have some stuff in common with. I'd really like to get to hang out with a lot of people before I go back home to Missouri. There is a lot of people I'd like to hang out with that I've never hung out with my whole time out here, this year and last year, that I'd think would be fun to hang out with. We'll see if anyone takes me up on that. Probably not since I'm kind of guess not such a big partier. That might have to do with the fact that no one ever invites me to anything. I don't know, I'm not going to get into a long story of how I'm always the one asking to do stuff, and then no one asks me to do stuff, or they constantly tell me no then go out with other people.

Song Of The Next Couple of Weeks : Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party

Monday, May 05, 2003

Man people at Chapman University are reading my blog like crazy. Why is that? Shouldn't you all be doing like work for the final week of school instead of checking out my blog? It's all cool though. But I'm real curious as to who it is from my school reading this.

Also hello to the person from Kansas State University checking out my blog. I almost wound up going there.

Not much to say, except the computer lab is packed and computers are running very slow now here at school. Takes forever for anything to load. Everyone is trying to do their final presentations, papers, and powerpoint in the computer lab. Things are winding down and after this week things should be getting better, as far as school goes.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

Went to the Free Comic Book Day and got 9 free comic books and little Hulk figure. It was pretty cool.

I also saw X-2, It was pretty good. There are a lot of movies coming out this summer but only a few I'm looking forward to seeing. Those two being American Wedding and Freddy VS Jason. These two movies aren't going to be released till August though. But maybe a movie or two will pop up before then that I'll want to see. Most of my friends back home probably will be astonished with all this knowledge of the film industry that I've acquired this last semester. Probably ruin some movies for them. I remember I use to do a site where I'd give my weekly picks on movies, music, and TV shows. It was great and a lot of my friends liked it. I might do that again with MY DJ blog that is just collecting dust.

Oh yeah I also went and saw Albert Hall again this last Friday with Christel and her girlfriend Tiffany. It was fun. The audience was much larger and more interactive than in the past so out of this version of the play I think this was he best performance, except he forgot the masterbating line. Amber wasn't there, I kind of figured she wouldn't, but she wasn't there for the reason I thought she was going to be there for. Did that make any sense, Do you cromphend what I'm saying? Well anyways her mom had called and said she had a case of food posionig, but the Director of the play joked that she was drinking a little too much alcohol the night before. So which everyone you wish to believe go for it. There is only one more week for the play. I might go see it again because Christel kind of wants to see it again.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Monday, April 28, 2003

Hey everyone. I'm just going to do a blantant advert for the play ALBERT HALL. GO SEE IT, PLEASE!!!! I know not all of you who read my blog can't, since a lot of you don't live in Southern California. But the group who is in charge of the play is The Lone Star Ensemble whichi is a theatre group out here, which is mainly made up of people from the Midwest. In particular the Kansas City Metropolitan area. So support the Lone Star Ensemble!!! Check out the site and buy some merchandise. Buy an Albert Hall poster or something. So with that being said for all of you who are in the Southern California area, I demand you to go see this play. It's much better then shit that has been on TV lately. So go see it!!!

Thank you for listening to Briann's random crappy advert, not back to our regularly scheduled program, all ready in progress.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Haven't posted in a while. Well not much has gone on with me. Same old, boring depressing life that I have.

Sunday went to see Albert Hall, it's a play by Amber Benson, which probably half or a majority of the people reading this haven't a clue who she is. I'll explain that to you when I see you, if I do see you. But it was cool. I saw the reading in the fall and that it was histerical. Some changes were made to give it a real conclusion. I liked the reading better, but I enjoy the play all the same. I'm going to see it again Friday night, because Amber is suppose to be there. This will be the last time I think I'll have a chance at seeing her, being that she is no longer going to do signings and all. Plus I'm getting to walk May 17th at graduation so I want be near the LA area anymore, until I come back for my extra semester. Even then I will be real busy with classes and my internship. By then she'll be on doing bigger and better things. So I really hope I see her tomorrow and finally actually say something. Wouldn't that be something new, actually have a conversation with, doubt that will happen knowing me. I'll probably just smile and be like," How you doing." Man I'm such a freaking lameo, hahaha.

Today I'm exhausted worked on 5 rough ads today for adult illeteracy. They really suck. One of which I thought was the better out of them, wouldn't load on to a disc. So I'm going to have to figure something else out there.

Tomorrow here is my agenda:
1= Wake up take a shower
2= Change into my cool baggy black pants with the bizillion pockets, my Thundercats ringer tshirt, and my blue flame beanie, and my two cool nifty wrist bands- smiley face bite me and lucky bear. (Nothing I'm wearing is going to match but hey that's me)
3= Drive to post office to mail stuff to my sister
4= bowl for an hour (YEAH, by myself like usual)
5=go back to dorm an chill for a while
6= Then head off to West Hollywood for the play
7= After plays over try to get some pictures with Amber and actually talk to her (I see me chickening out)
8= Drive back to Orange and go to my dorm
9= Drink some Kahula mudslides, 2 at the least 4 at the most.
10= Go to bed


Sounds like a fun filled day huh?
Who knows.

Friday, April 11, 2003

Friday Five
1. What was the first band you saw in concert?
First Real Concert I went to was No Doubt at Sanstone Ampitheater in Bonner Springs, KS. Tragic Kingdom Tour Summer 97. Opening acts were Red 5 and Weezer. IT was a second hand smoke wacky weed blast.
2. Who is your favorite artist/band now?
No Doubt
3. What's your favorite song?
"Greener Pastures" by No Doubt
4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
Bass
5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?
Don't really know. Because I can't thnkof many music stars that I like that are considered icons.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Well This page will no longer let anything be changed on the graphics and side. So this page may get a completely different look, or be dumped all together.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

I can't take anymore of this shit. People cussing me out, calling me names, or telling me that I need to stay away from people for reasons beknownst to me. Why? I really don't understand. I just want to go back home to Missouri and die. Frankly I can't handle any of this anymore. People can say I need help, but I'm pretty sure I'm way passed that. I believe California has brought me more pain and missery then Missouri ever could. Maybe I've gotten to do a lot of cool stuff out here, but I've suffered more. People want me dead and gone and I'm very well aware of that. So I'd really like to make everyone happy by no longer be a burden to so many people. By not being around on this earth anymore.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Ok yesterday was fun, interesting day. American Wedding, aka American Pie 3, took over the city of Orange. They filmed some hospitals scenes inside Memorial Hall. Then outside, which I got to watch, between Memorial and Wilkinson Hall, which was now the outside of the hospital, Jason Biggs and Eugene Levy and this older lady who was playing Jason's grandma had a scene. Then later that night I went to the Circle and Shawn Williams Scott, Stifler, was driving around the circle several times. That was interesting watching for like and hour and a half. Then I watched him bang on the radio shack's doors, what now was turned into a florist shop. He had like the funniest line, which I will not give away. It was interesting watching what was the last of the filming for the movie. I think I want to see it way more now then before. Before I was like I'm not going to see it, but now I really want to see it.

Sunday, March 23, 2003

You are June!
You are June! You hate false accusations. You are
also a great cook, but maniacally stab your
lover when he distracts you from your cooking.


Which Of The Six Merry Murderesses Of The Cook County Jail Should You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, March 07, 2003

Ok Well I guess I should post about the Wedding I went to last weekend. I had to get up early to get to the airport. Weird thing was they got this e ticket machine thing where you have to put a credit card in to get your boarding passes, so I fo you don't have any luggage that has to go under the plane you don't have to deal with anyone. Sounds fucked up. The flight to Houston was 2 hours and a half. Got breakfast on the plane it was some sort of cereal and a banana. It was pretty darn good for airplane meal. Then once I got to Houston had to immediately go to my next plane to fly onto San Antonio. It was about a 30 minute flight. Soon as we got our drinks they had to pick them up. So that sort of sucked. Then I was stuck at the airport waiting for a couple of hours for my mom and sis to get there. So I got some MCDonald's while I was waiting. Thought about getting some alcoholic beverage but passed on it. So I waited and when it was time for my mom and sis to be there i didn't see them. turns out there flight cam into the other terminal. So I had to walk all the way over to the other terminal to get them.
Then we get our rental car and head off to the hotel we were staying at. We of course got lost because that seems to be what happens on trips and especially in San Antonio. We get there and have to use the valet parking for the hotel cause this is an upscale hotel, which happens to be where the reception for the wedding is to be held figured we stay there so we wouldn't be totally lost.
The hotel is a very nice hotel and historic apparently. John Wayne stayed there along with some other celebrities. It was interesting reading the various things that said who had stayed there. We get our keys to the room and it's on the 8 floor. The room was really cool and the beds were a nice change from the stupid dorm beds.
We went to dinner in the restaurant in the hotel and I had the chicken like my sister. It was really good. The waitress took half off our meal. It was 50 dollars the lady went and took off hlalf and it was only 25 dollars. How cool is that. Nice dinner for 3 people only being 25 that's cool. I was totally full from dinner and very tired from the flight and the fact that I've not gotten much sleep lately. So we got back to the room i bundled up and conked out. It was great getting to go to bed at reasonable time. Plus not having someone get on my throat for doing so.
Next morning had to wake up early to get ready for the wedding that started at 1. Got up took a shower and went down to breakfast where service was slower then hell. Took forever to get someone to wait on us. When finally did the food didn't end up being as good as it should, but it was ok. At least I got some strawberries. That was great. The bacon was pretty good and when the biscuits were just brought out they were good.
Then we went back to the room and got our jackets and changed completely into the clothes we all were going to wear for the wedding.
We get down to wait for our car and it was cold and misting. So I was super duper glad my mom brought my letterman's jacket. So I was good to go while I was waiting for the car to come. Car comes and of course driving to the church we get lost, but we find out way. Get to the church and there is no parking so we have to go around and low and behold we go by the Alamo. Not that exciting of a place. Then we find a parking lot and park in it. It's the el crapo parking lot but oh well. we then walk a couple of blocks to the church and when we get there they are still having a church service going on. That was weird. So we went over to the mall and looked around and sat. IT was an interesting mall, but I've seen a lot of malls lately so that's probably why I wasn't too into it.
Then at about 15 minutes or so before the start of the wedding and the service was still not over. Then 10 minutes till the people from the service finally started to leave. The church was catholic church that was originally a church for the Germans. It's consider a historic site. It was an interesting looking church. It had depicitions of Jesus dying in the mother mary's arm. That freaked me out a bit. Then we sat down.
Finally Robert came he sat and talked about how he was finally graduating community college this spring. Telling use how he was going to quit Prie Chopper and get a job at a restaraunt and go back to CMSU. He had no clue what all was going on with this wedding. Then he was told to sit in the front. Which then he dragged me up there. So I sat in the front for the wedding with him and his parents. The wedding was very catholic. Lots of things were going on that I had never heard before. Robert was confused as I was. After the long wedding or at least what seemed long they took pictures for a while. Then the bride and groom left in a horse drawn carriage to the reception.
We then left to go to the car to get back for the reception. We drove my sister's friend Heather over to the reception also. She has changed since the last time I'd seen her, but that was a long while ago. We of course got lost again getting back to hotel for the reception. However, we managed to get back. Then I went back to the room to go to the bathroom and I came back down and went into the reception. I sat and waited with my family at a table near the bride and groom. Finally after 30 minutes Robert and his family showed up. Robert sat with us instead of his family. He put like 3 packets of sugar in his ice tea. Talk about artificial sweetner. Then we realize that the food for the reception is a Mexican buffet. Ugh not my choice of meals. Oh well I wasn't paying for it. Then they announce that the bar will be open for an hour before it comes a cash bar. Then Robert and I rush over there and get some alcohol. Me a bud, he a miller lite. It was weird seeing him drink and it was weird for my mom and sister and his sisters seeing me drink. The food was ok, but Robert said the enchiladas were horrible. Only thing real good was the chips and the fajitas.
After everyone was finished with dinner there was dancing. Not big on the dancing I showed Robert our hotel room and we looked at the gift shop. IT was great just having a convo with Robert again. Found out that Shawn Heator whom I went to HS with and went to my SR homecoming with has a kid and not by choice. That's what he gets for being the ass he was to me near the end of my SR year. That's all I heard about concerning people I use to know in HS. Most of our conversations were about getting out of school and how we were looking forward to it. It was great hearing someone actually happy and not complaining.
Then after hours of watching everyone dance we left to the room. Went to bed at 10 because had to get up at 6 to go to the airport for my 8 am flight. Then got up at 6 am and we went down stairs got the car and headed to the airport. We turned in the car and waited for the bus to take us back to the airport. . We get there and wait an hour then i head to the security check area and my mom and sis leave to go to their terminal. I get on the plane and do some homework. The flight from San Antonio to Houston was short but very bumpy. Then had a little break for an hour in Houston.
Then finally got on the plane in Houston for the lovely 3 and half hour flight. Dang that flight was long and very boring. My cd players batteries died like 10 minutes into the flight after they allowed electronic devices to be used. So I ended up listening to the station on the airplane. It was ok. Had the hardest time trying to get sleep on that flight. The meal on this flight was roast beef sandwich melted cheese and ruffles chips and an apple.
Finally after 3 hours and 30 minutes we get into the airport i get off the plane to look for my ride. I meet Nicole after I go down the escalator. I'd like to thank Nicole again for picking me up. I greatly appreciate it. We listen to some Used in her Chevy 2000 pickup truck. She's got a cool vehicle and cool taste in music. We chatted a bit in the car it was great to chat with another person about stuff.
I had her drop me off by Beckman because well I needed to type up Homework. So I typed up some homework, then went to dinner. Then I go back to my room. Which is then when I go to check my phone to see if there are any messages. That's when I realized that this roll of film I had finished and laid next to it the phone is gone. So obviously someone messed with that while I was gone. Then the next day when I go to eat my chips i had that were only half finished when I left were now like to the bottom with tiny crappy peices left. So obviously again someone must have eaten my chips. Guess my personal stuff is not safe to leave out at all. I'm still looking for the roll of film but yet to have found it. It has some good pictures on there and if I don't get it back I'm going to be majorly upset, because I think there might be some Amber pictures and some other pictures that mean a lot to me. You don't mess with my stuff and get away with it. I'm thoroughly upset and pissed beyond belief. Not a good thing.

So that's about everything in a nutshell for last weekend and part of this week.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Well the side pains have subsided but now I have a severe cold. It really sucks. My throat really hurts too. Our freaking heater isn't working. Which I think is the main cause of my cold that I have now. A lot of people only have been telling me to get psychatric help. I don't know if that would work even I did go. See my feeling is if you don't believe in something it ain't going to work. Like hypnotism. If you are truely an unbeliever you can't really be hipnotized. What all I need now is to just focus on one thing at time. I seem to do better that way. Multitasking just adds to my problems and makes things much more confusing.

Monday, February 10, 2003

Well now I'm having side pains again. They had been away for some months, but now they are unfortunately back. I can't eat or drink most anything because I just don't feel like eating. My throat feels all clogged up with mucus 24 hours a day. I don't have the money to do anything about it. Someone told me I need to find a rich boyfriend or girlfriend. I was like that would be hard to do since I couldn't get either even if I tried. That stuff just doesn't happen to me and never will. I've already come to terms for the most part about being alone my whole life. Especially since that's the way I've spent most of my life anyways. I don't know how I'm going to bowl on Sunday with all this pain, hopefully it will all go away by then.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

Have you ever had those moments when you just wish life would be over. Then everything everyone says validates ever reason possible for letting you life come to and end. Then everything you read even validates it even more. Then you are just looking at the fact that world must want you to die because apparently there is no use for you on this world. One because you have no place and you can't find one that is accepting of your moralistic values, your beliefs in the world, and the way you go about your life. You don't try to help the world and kiss everyone's ass or help people who might need a little help because you've done that before and it just lowered your own value of the world and yourself because of it. So in the end you just look around at the world and observe and say nothing and everyone thinks you are just wasting time and space. You've seen the pain and do not wish to feel it so it makes you a coward. But why do we learn history then. That's the whole point of history is to learn it so we don't repeat it and so we can make better decsions. See I've seen what people done and I've seen their pain and hurt. Let me tell you I've had to listen to it all. The good the bad and the very ugly. People talk my ear off about the relationships and I really don't mind, but then people wonder why I've never really been in one. Not only is it because of the fact I've heard all the details, but it's also to the fact that no one wants me because as I mentioned before the world looks at me as a waste of time and space. Who in there right minds would want a peice of that. I've had my share of pain when it came to just trying to form close relationships. That is how come I have so few relationships with anyone. I've had my heart ripped out and mutilated. People don't even give me a chance. Then my trust became ruined. I trust no one, not my mom, sis, doctor, or anyone. DTA Don't Trust Anybody. Because it only leads to your life being ruined and having the mindset in which I have now. So why should life continue on if in actuallity all you are doing is just being here in this world. You aren't really living you are just here. With no real motivation, or hope left in you. Why doesn't someone just go get the shot gun or other weapon of choice and use it on me? I wish I could trade places with those on the spaceship that crashed today or even anyone who lost their lives on 9-11-01 because many of them had things they were living for to make this world better for them and their families. I have none of this. No real hope for the future. No plans in life. No real family or friends investment. I'm Just a Girl in the world and it's all anyone will let me be. Nothing more or nothing less. I sit and abide by the rules while others break them and get more out life than me. So I shall just sit and wait and hopefully it will end fast.

Friday, January 31, 2003

Well today's classes were ok. The night class was killer, but the teacher was hilarious. I just got back from seeing Darkness Falls. It was awesome except for the very last scene which could have been deleted and taken out completely. There was no point for the last scene it served not purpose as far as I could tell. Other then that it was a good movie. It is a movie you have to see in the theatre due to the surround sound effects that you can't really get at home. The sound effects were great. They made some of the people in the theatre rather jumpy. Well that's it for that.

I think I have crush on this person I've been talking to lately, but I'm not sure. It could be all in my head. I don't know. Not like anything would get made out if anyway.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Well todays class was interesting. Seems like it will be a tough class. I have two classes so far where we have to write papers every week. I also will also have to a lot of reading. It's going to be one heck of a semester. Some of these books are actually interesting.

Well hopefully the radio meeting tonight will go good, but I don't know. Just can't wait to get up to go to my 8 am class tomorrow morning.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

First day of classes for me, and so far so good. Sounds like I'll be typing a lot of papers this semester. I have one more class today and hopefully it will be interesting. It's entertainment marketing and promotion class. I have to return one book because it's not longer required and I have to go in and buy one CD thing for 60 dollars for my Advertising Case Studies class. Well it's almost lunch time, so I got to get ready to go eat and run some errands.

Monday, January 27, 2003

Ok Well I'm back to post about Saturdays adventure to the Metro to see Amber Benson. Well the drive I think had to be the worse part of the whole adventure. It seem like it took forever. We first went to Jamba Juice to have a little breakfast so when we got there are stomachs weren't growling. That might of been a bad mistake since like right after we got into LA we had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped at some country club and went to the bathroom there. Then we tried to get back on the 101 North and they didn't have a ramp to go North just one to go back South. So we had to go back and find a ramp that could get us turned back around. That definately added some unwanted time to the trip. Then we are driving and we haven't even hit Santa Barbara yet and it seems like it has been two hours of driving time already. Then we have to go to a bathroom again. So we stop at a McDonalds and hit the bathroom. By this time it is now 11:30 and the signing starts at 12 and we have yet to see a sign that says Santa Barbara. When we finally do it says like 12 miles and I'm like there is no way we are going to get there by noon. Finally we get into the city at noon. Then we can't find parking. Eventually we find a parking structure and when we go we have to stop because some jackass is waiting for people to move out of there parking spot. My window is down cause it was hot and I'm yellinng fucking eh there is probably parking else where you are backing us up and I'm freaking late. This not just happen once, nor twice, but three times. What the fuck is wrong with people. Can't take an elevator down 4 floors or something? We finally park on the 3rd level of parking and get out of the car and walk over to Metro Comics.

While we are parking there is another one of those annoying war protest in front of the Museum which is diagnolly across from the Metro. I found it really annoying and stupid. So I ignore that and cross the street over and walk over to the place hotter and extremely pissed. So I took my blue flame skull cap off cause I was really hot. waited to pay for the autographs and photo and all. Get there it's 12 for autographs, so i buy two of those. Then 10 for poloroid and i buy one of those. Then i bought one photo for 5 dollars. Totally of 39 dollars I spent at the Metro. Then went over to get in are place in line. Waited for a while then they let like 10 people in. That left us at the front now. Then some dude comes out and goes on about he got the first autograph and how he asked her if buffy was going to end and I'm like why is this guy talking to us. I was like just standing there just being like ok. My mind was elsewhere at that point in time. Then the people from the Metro says you can some in now. So we go in and go to the back of this small place to get at the end of the line in there.

We finally get up there to her and my roommate tells her how I drag her to all her stuff and make her watch all her stuff and she laughs. Then my roommate says i like all the stuff your in it's cool. She then gives my roomie a hug since she gave her a letter. Then she goes I recognize that shirt and she's like you can't have a bad week and I'm like I seem to have one every time I see you and she goes that can't be the case. Then my roomie says we just paid tuition and she like that's not good. Then we told her how much it cost and all and she gave me a hug after i gave her my stuff for her. Then I went to wait in the polaroid line.

Stood in the polaroid line for a while. So my roomie decided to go to a bookstore. Well the bookstore turned out to be a bible bookstore so she went to an antique store then McDonalds and got us fries and drinks. Well while she was doing that they finally let us in. So I waited alone and it was smokey smelling in there. Ugh not a fan of cigarette smoke. Then got up there and she's like it's Briann Right. I was like saying in my head holy shit she remembered me, and she pronounced my name right. BTW most people don't pronounce my name right, it sucks. Take the picture and then I say thanks a lot and can I have a hug for the road and she's like sure. I go it's well needed for the 2 hour drive back and she's like you guys. Then I left and met my roomie outside.

We get in the car and leave to head back. Then we stop in Ventura County to watch surfing, because I had never seen that live before or waves that big. Then after 15 minutes we headed back out and drove for a while then maybe a 15 minutes out of LA we had to go to the bathroom and stopped for gasoline for the car. My roomie sure gets a kick out of the McRib being back. Got some stuff to eat went to the bathroom before and after we ate then headed back. Then we got stuck in traffic on the 101 and my car was right near the white line before you hit the red heat line so i was like shit. So windows got rolled down radio turned down and air completely shut off. So then we decided we are going on the 134 and that was good cause traffic was not bad. Took us 30 minutes after we got on there to get back to the dorms to crash form an exhausting trip.
Well sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while. I've been very busy. No actually I couldn't get connected to the stupid freaking school server for some reason. Probably the crappy ass computer I have. Well I'll post about the Metro signing in Santa Barbara after lunch. Today are the first day of classes for the Spring Semester here at Crapman, whooops, I meant Chapman. Exuse me just a little mess up there. The cool thing is I don't have classes on Mondays so I don't start till tomorrow. I have three classes on Tuesdays, 1 on Wednesdays, and 4 on Thursdays. So I'm thinking this semester I'm going to get a job on campus, or find some kind of internship that would hopefully motivate me to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. Right now my foot just fell asleep so I think I'm going to move it. What do you think? Man am I a dork. But whatever. Some pictures will get posted up on here and along with a video soon. The video I hope entertains the world and brings me world dominance and fortune.... wait no I just hope some people get a kick out it. Maybe I'll get discovered and become a big star..... wait what the fuck am I saying jeez I just want the world to know that I exist is more like it. Oh well I still need to write about the Trapt video shoot too huh? Well I got a picture from the Amber thing and not the Trapt video yet so you guys will just have to wait. Well I'm getting my stuff ready for lunch. I shall be back. Have a nice day and buy silver sharpies, because they are badass and you can find them at the Office Depot.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

Well today we went to Knotts Berry Farm it was awesome. The new rollercoaster the Xcelerator. It was quick but what a rush. We rode it twice. Just like we did the Boomerang and Montezumas Revenge. I loved the Boomerang a lot though. I bought the picture from that ride. Ghostrider was closed so that was a little dissapointing. All in all a fun day. Tomorrow we go to the Metro to meet Amber Benson.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Well first today, the school tells me if I don't pay 6284 by Monday they are going to kick me out. Then my laundry card doesn't work. Then people tell me on top of the amount you paid for the ticket in line you have to pay for the autograph and 10 for a picture. What a bunch of crock load of shit is that.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Well I sucked at bowling today, hopefully that didn't take us out of first. I really want to win the trophies, because bowling is the only thing I'm good at and the only thing I can possibly attain some recoginition for doing something.

This Thursday night I will be heading to the Roxy to see Crazytown. I got on the record labels guest list, so I'm not having to pay except for parking. Should be interesting, even though I know Crazytown is so so live. I don't think I'd ever pay just to see them live.

Friday I might be going to Knotts Berry Farm, but not quite sure on that one yet. Don't want to wear myself out before Saturday's two hour drive to Santa Barbara for the Amber Benson signing at Metro.

Tomorrow more bowling class and then off to get the oil changed on my car. Oh what fun. Hopefully it won't cost too much and that they'll wash my car. I think I'll ask them this time. Then off to get some groceries. Yum Yum.

Sunday, January 19, 2003



I am Charlie Brown

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz


Win a Garage Band's Worth of Gear Online Project
This was in a friend of mine's website. So I figured I'd put it on mine, cause I'm bored and I'm sorry to Jason that I didn't come back when I said I would, but I bumped into and we watched some Buffy season 3 stuff.

[my name is]: Briann
[in the morning i am]: Confused
[all i need is]: people who don't annoy me
[love is]: mostly evil
[im afraid of]: loneliness and death
[i dream about]: Many Many Things

-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: no
[actually seen your crush naked]: Nope
[been in love]: no
[cried when someone died]: Yes
[lied]: not recently

-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: pepsi
[flowers or candy]: candy
[tall or short]: tall

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: smile
[last person you slow danced with]: the blind date at my senior prom
[worst question to ask]: uh don't know right now

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: no one
[makes you smile]: no one
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: Interesting
[do you have a crush on?]: not saying
[has a crush on you?]: no one
[easiest to talk to]: don't know.


-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?] did in the past.
[save aol/aim conversations]:use to
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: sometimes
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: yes

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: no
[been rejected]: Yup
[rejected someone]: no cause no one comes to me at all
[used someone]: Nope
[been cheated on]: Nope
[done something you regret]: yep

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: my sister
[hugged]: don't know
[you instant messaged]: Denise
[you laughed with]: myself after drinking Guinness on Friday night during laundry

-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: did a couple of times
[ever get off the damn computer]: Yup
[habla espanol]: Not well

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: Nope
[obsessive]: hope not
[could you live without the computer?]: Nope
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: 86, but most of them don't get online though
[what's your favorite food?]: chicken
[whats your favorite fruit?]: apples
[drink alchohol?]: not that often just recently started to occasionally
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: both
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: yep

-N U M B E R-
of times i have had my heart broken? : Many times
hearts i have broken? : None
of girls i have kissed? : none
of continents i have lived in? : One
of drugs taken illegally? : None
of tight friends? :none
of cd's that i own? : over 1,000
of scars on my body?: not many

Thursday, January 16, 2003

Amber Benson and I
me

Here are some pictures of me. Figure some people might want to see what a messed up person like myself looks like. The top picture is of me and Amber Benson at the Tower Record signing. The second picture is a picture my roommate took of me coming out of our bathroom they day before halloween. I didn't realize she took it till she got the pictures back. I hope you enjoy the few pictures. There probably will be more pictures to come on here once I get them scanned. But that's what I look like. What do you think? Comments are appreciated. I know I look retarded but oh well I'm not perfect.

Tomorrow or now later today I'll post about the Trapt music video shoot that took place Tuesday night Wednesday morning.

Monday, January 13, 2003

Well last night was an interesting experience. My roommates x boyfriend first IMed her under a different screenname and called her various choice phrases, such as whore, slut, bitch and etc. Then he kept calling her cell phone from various pay phones in San Diego. He'd call and all you'd heard was breathing. Then the third or fourth time he called I answered it and said, "Hello, you know you are really smart, you are just wasting your time and mine." Then he called again and I said, "Hello . . . . You know it's pretty stupid to call someone and not say anything aren't you going to talk." Then he called again while we were trying to watch House on Haunted Hill, we just got to the eletric shock scene and we were in the dark, he calls and I'm like , "do you like scary movies" Then he calls again but this time from a phone in Escondito, which means he's coming up to Orange County. So my roommate freaked and we stopped the movie, turned the lights on and she asked me what to do. So she ended up calling public safety and the filed a police report on him. We shall see how this goes. But after that my roommate was too scared so we went to a friends room in one of the indoor dorms and stayed there rewound House on Haunted Hill watched it again. Then watched Prime Gig. After we started to fall a sleep we left her room and came back to our room.


Today I woke up went bowling. I sucked ass today at bowling. But my mind just isn't with everything that is going on. Tonight we have to call to get more information on being extras in a music video. This time I think we might actually get in the video. I can't think of cool name for this project, but I'm sure after the experience we will think of one. Some other things that are coming up are us going to Knotts Berry Farm, to a taping of the show Reba, and seeing Amber Benson on the 25th in Santa Barbara. So hopefully I will get to have some exciting things to tell you about and maybe eventually pictures? Who knows got to ask the roomie to scan the pictures.

Oh BTW I have this video that I might be uploading to the site that is me talking and is very entertaining. Even I laughed at it, which I usually never do because most stuff I don't find funny enough to actually laugh at. People say I should become a comedian, but I don't think I'm funny. Hopefully wants I get it on the cd I can upload it and have the person who does all the computer stuff to my site get it on here for you and the whole world's viewing enjoyment.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

I think my heart has totally been ripped to shreds. I try to be nice and kind to people and all they do is rip me down. They either lie to me, call me names, or give me confusing statements that make no sense and tell me never to talk to them ever again. I just really can't handle it. It seems like all my life I've been called names made fun of but I've never had my head put through a grinder along with my feelings and heart like it has been lately. I try to understand people and I'm a good listener but no one seems to want to say anything. Then I get ripped to peices for I guess saying too much. I was taught to be honest with people and to not bottle things up because if you do the very bad temper you have will eat you up from the inside out. Which now is occuring because I just don't get people and it's eating me a life. I wish people would understand. I wish this world was a happy place and everyone is happy, but I know that is an impossibilty. Don't know why people think I think everyone should be happy. I don't think everyone should be happy because my life has been gloomy ever since my dad died. I don't understand why people think I should be happy or that I am happy I'm not. Yeah I know I get to do a lot of cool things and I have lots of opportunity but is that suppose to make me happy. Some people are just not cut out for what they have or get.

Maybe one day I'll be happy, but that is very doubtful. If people only knew my whole life story maybe they'd understand. Getting all the lucky charms doesn't neccesarily make you happy person. The only thing I ever wanted I once had, but then for some reason or another it ended. Looking back I think I'm the one who blew it, or maybe we both blew it. You are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well back in high school when I was a sophmore I met this amazingly interesting freshmen. Who seemingly didn't know at the time that No Doubt had more albums then Tragic Kingdom, this was in 97. She over heard my conversation about No Doubt and seemed really interested about what I had to say. Funny thing is when we split up during track for our particular events she was shot put/ disc thrower too. So we ended up teaming up for warm ups and talked totally about No Doubt. It was cool. I had finally found someone to talk to about No Doubt, since most people I knew just could less a damn about them.

Well not only did we just talk No Doubt, but we also talked about other music. I had finally found a music buddy, unfortunately she couldn't go to concerts due to her mom being very anal. But through the end of my sophmore year and the various track meets we became the best of friends. Then during that summer we became like best buds. I was finally really happy. I had found someone who not only liked the same music, but also would talk with me and actually listened to me and cared about what I was talking about. She never put me down she just listened. She was the only person who ever would just sit there and listen to what I had to say and actually care about. No one ever before in my life had ever done that for me. She didn't open up to me as much as I did to her, but I think she opened up a little. We hung out with each other almost all the time. We went to the mall like every day after school, we liked basically all the same stuff, it was really quite cool. She was also very supportive of all the dreams and aspirations I had and I was of her too.

Then near the end of my Junior year things started to change. She had gotten a boyfriend and I was boyfriendless like usual. She started getting gothier, I started becoming very no doubtless. We hung out every now and then during the summer but not as much as before. Then fall of my Senior year something happened, she bailed on me for this hockey game gathering I was having and I got made cause my mom had already bought the tickets and I yelled at her. From that moment on she stopped talking to me and started to really change. Maybe there was something I didn't know, but all she had to do was tell me and I would have understood. All the days after that I was all alone. Friendless and very empty. I had no one to talk to about my problems and fears. My dreams had all started to slip away after that had happened. Most of my dreams were centered around always being friends with her and moving out to Cali and finding us some rockstar boyfriends and just doing shit we loved to do. Her doing her art stuff and me just doing something with music.

I talked to her once after that happened on her graduation day and said are we still on for Cali, because I don't break my promises. She said we'll see. She seem to not be angry with me anymore, but I don't think everything was healed. I regret getting mad at her and having that outbreak, but she had changed, and I guess I'm like the only one in the world that never really seems to change.

Then when I heard about Jon dying I knew she was probably really upset since they hadn't gotten to be close friends especially in their last year of High School. Heck I was upset too. Jon was a good kid, granted he was rather annoying at times, but a lot of people are. He also seem to like to listen to people also. Maybe that's what she needed and why they became so close. When I went to the visitation I thought I might see her there, but that wasn't why I went. I went because I hadn't seen Jon in like 2 years and wanted him to know that even though I didn't keep in touch he was still good person and was and had been on my mind. I couldn't go the actually funeral because I had to go to my grandma's because I hadn't seen her in 6 months because of college. So When I was at the visitation and I saw the pictures and his artwork it all got to me. I got so upset I didn't think it would be a good idea to drive so I took a little time to just cool down for a while. At that moment I figured Jon was looking down and having a hay day seeing me cry, because as most people know I do not like to cry in front of anyone. His roommate then came over and introduced himself and talked to me for a while. I mentioned how I had been trying to get a hold of Jon for a while and was going to ask them how I could get a hold of my old friend since I knew he was close with her. He asked who? I gave her name and he's like yeah her picture is up there and I was like I must have missed it. So I went to look at the pictures while he got a peice of paper. There was recent pic of her, which she looked a little different then the last time I saw her. Then there was the picture from my junior homecoming of her, Margo, Jon me, and two other people. I had been looking for that picture so I give it to his family. I didn't remember giving it to him. I guess I did or I gave it to her and she gave it to them. Well Jon's roommate gave me her phone number, and me being stupid I gave her mom home address and not my college address.

I still haven't called her phone number. I really want to too, but I'm not really a phone person. I wish I had the guts to call but I don't. She was the best friend I ever had and probably every will have. I'd give anything to have that frienship back, or to even have another friendship like that, but I think I've already blew my chances. If she is reading this, which I highly doubt she is, I have something I really want to say. You were the best friend I've ever had and you gave me some hope and I had a lot of fun and maybe one day we can have that friendship again hopefully, and I still keep my promises so if you come out to Cali I got your back.


"Do Well And Doubt Not"