Well I'm back in Missouri now. Oh what fun, can you feel my excitement? Anyhow I'm back home and the house and my room are a mess. Maybe I should clean up. It's so hard to figure out where to start though. Think I'll go through clothes and see what needs to be thrown out and given to people who don't have many clothes if that at all. Then I'll go through things I can sell on ebay or something. I was also considering finally getting a job. But everyone knows how that turns out I fill out the application then nothing else happens, or I even turn in the application and they tell me to come back some other time when I can work like every freaking day of the week. I think however, I'm going to work on the cleaning my room first, then move on to the rest of the house, and then from there maybe a get a job.

Oh wait by then I'll be heading back to California to finish up those credits I need to finish. I just got to remember to send my resume in to Drive Thru Records for the internship at the end of July. Hopefully I'll get the internship. If that one doesn't work out I'm going to try Nitro Records. I'm pretty sure it will work out though, because that's just how I am. Some things you just have to have faith in.

Speaking of which, if I were to ever get a tattoo, which for those of you who really know me would never happen because of my threshold of pain, Faith would probably be a word that would be in my tattoo along with hope and love probably written on a cross because of my favorite verse in the bible I Corinthians 13:13, So Faith, Hope and Love, Abide these three, but the greatest of these is love. Don't know if that's exactly right, but it's pretty close I'm sure. It's the verse that is hanging in my room along with my moon and my no doubt autograph picture and my shawn michaels autographed picture that I took the picture of and had him sign. But those are the things I treasure most, No Doubt, Shawn Michaels and that verse in the bible. They are probably the only things that have even remotely kept me from not doing something stupid. Pretty soon I'll put the autographed Amber Benson picture up on that wall, cause she has for sure kept me from not doing something severely stupid. Those people and that verse are the things that keep me going.

I just wish I was happy with my life. I've also done what I believe to be the right thing. Never done drugs, never smoked, never overly drank alcohol, and have never had sex. I'm kind to everyone I meet the first time, then based on that I either don't talk to them anymore or I am friendly with them. It just seems like I do all this stuff to be a good person and all I get for it is nothing. I get treated like crap, made fun of, and mainly ignored. People don't ever ask me to do stuff, and I don't know why. I can be fun just within means. I always have to ask people to do stuff and anytime I do I usually get shot down. I guess I really must be a bore and very annoyig to be around or something. I mean I know that I have a temper and sometimes go off, but I usually don't do that in front of people I'm cool with or don't know well enough to lose my marbles in front of. Or maybe it's because I don't open up enough to people, but see the thing is sometimes you open up too much then the people don't want to have nothing to do with you anymore when you do open up. So it's like which is worse, you know? I don't know. I guess I just really haven't found my place in this world yet. Maybe I'l always be the one looking at everything and everyone and observing everything from the outside for the rest of my life.