My Birthday.

Well yesterday was my birthday and was rather uneventful since most of the day I was all alone. I tried calling my friends but none of them were home, and one of my friend's area code changed but also apparently his cell phone was out of it's service area too. So Oh well.

Late afternoon, night though my sister came down and we went to the Casino. At the begining I got up about 40 dollars, but then I kept going and I winding up at the end of the time at the casino going down about 20 dollars. I guess it could have been worse.

This year I got the Grease DVD from my sister, money from both of my grandmas, a birthday card from my friend Nicole from California, and then a birthday card from my friend I talk to online from New York. So I guess I did fairly well for my birthday considering it's right after Christmas.

Madness, Pure Madness

I swear I need to stop watching soaps, or the writers need to start writing logically. On All My Children this who baby storyline has made ever character stupid. The justifications from the characters of Babe and Jamie or just plain idiotic and self serving. I don't care what JR has done, he should know about his son and the fact he is alive. So what if he beat the shit out of Jamie, it was his way of dealing with all the lies Babe has told. Then with him going to, accidently I might add, push Bianca off the balcony he was just doing what he had to do to keep what he believed was true to himself. It's too bad he is going to to do that because Bianca was going to fill him in on the truth about his son. ARGH!!!

But now Bianca is going to be out of it and not be with her baby for another freaking week, enough is enough already. What more can they do to Bianca? JEEZ!!! We all know that they are never going to give her any sort of love life what so ever and it's very likely Eden will be leaving soon, because honestly what more can they do to her that hasn't been done? Not much unless they actually give her a love life, and I so doubt that's going to happen because of the homphobia mania that runs rapid across the nation. Because people don't mind seeing it on a comedy show where gay love is never really shown. The only gay love you can find is on the cable networks and ABC is not a cable network so there will never be love for Bianca unless the people over at ABC grow some Kahonas and be daring. I don't care if it is daytime, people need to get a life and get over it.

This is how I see it we live in a world where straight it right so straight love is shown on TV and plastered out there every chance. Now let's reverse that what if gay was right and all you saw on TV was gay love and you were the lone straight person you'd feel exactly how the gay people feel. So I say let's just show everything then everyone will be happy. You might not agree with because you think it's wrong but so what I'm sure maybe some of the gay people think straight is wrong, who knows. But this world isn't perfect and not everyone is going to like what they see or hear 24/7 and that's ok. But to ban it or keep it from going out is just going to make things tension filled. The world is a mixed up crazy place because we can't agree on beliefs and we never will. So let's just let everyone have their voice be heard and let things be.

Now I'll shut up because I don't want to go off into a whole other topic. Plus I think I got everything off my chest that I wanted to in regards to the freaking Soap.

Temp Job

Well I managed to get two temp jobs. One for the American Royal, and the other one for the Nascar Races. Hey it's money and it gives me something to do instead of sitting like a bump on a log.

Well American Royal job starts tomorrow I'm working 5pm to midnight thursday, friday and saturday. Hopefully the weather went get too bad. I'll be either helping park cars or taking/selling tickets. It pays 9 dollars an hour so hopefully all will go well. Then a bit of a break and then back worth the 18th till when the American Royal ends.

The Nascar Races job is just parking cars from 5:30 am till around 2pm. A Long day but I'll be making 8.50 hour for that. It's three days and hey maybe I'll get to see some Race Car Drivers. Oh well it will give me something to do.

Maybe after all this I can find a permanet job somewhere. I really need to find some sort of job because it's hard paying off loans. Because 114 dollars or so a month can really kill your bank account. If I can't find another job after these, I guess I could always go looking for more temp jobs. At least the company that I'm working for, for the nascar races they call you again the next time they need people to work events that they are in charge of the parking services. So I'll always have that. Hopefully though I will find something more permanent in the winter.

No Love For Me,Not Ever!!!!

Well I'm given up on Love I'm done with it. I throw in the white towel. It's just depressing. Depressing searching, depressing being rejected, and depressing hoping that you will one day find it. It's just all around depressing. So it's just not worth it anymore. I want nothing to do with love anymore.

Oh I know there are people that say, " Oh you'll eventually find love, it just will take time, but it will happen one day." That's a bunch of bull people who say that are people who have love in their life. Plus a majority of those people are "pretty people", people whose looks do not bother anyone. They of course always say looks don't matter it's personality, but that's bullshit too because most pretty people are with other pretty people, don't think of a minute any of them would have anything to do with anyone who wasn't any their pretty people level especially when it comes to having them as a love interest in their life.

People try to be PC, especially guys, they say it doesn't matter what a gal looks like but that's bullshit and everyone knows it. Most guys who are saying that are just getting those pretty looking good to like them more cause that makes those girls think that are such great guys and are sweet because they say that.

It's all a bunch of bullshit may slowly drown in the ocean with everything else that goes into the ocean.

Well it's about a week a way from Jennifer Brittin's wedding and I still haven't got anything to wear for it or have gotten a wedding gift.  I've had plenty of time to think about what to get her and what to wear to this wedding but I guess since the person I asked to go with me couldn't come I just haven't really thought much about it.  It's kind of like going to a class reunion or to see people from high school you haven't seen in years you want to have something really cool or important to say, so you look like you've improved since then or made some of yourself.  Well I have done neither of those things,  or at least I think so. 

I mean if they guy who I asked could have come out here to go well it would have at least shown that yes I did make some friends out in California and that I was social to an extent.  Oh well, now I'll be going to this wedding and hearing how everyone else's lives are so great.  Then getting the usual questions aren't you seeing someone, haven't you met anyone, when are you going to get married, etc etc.

Well I'm just going to go to the wedding put a happy face on and be a good sport because it's Jennifer's day and she hasn't done anything really bad to me.  Although I did feel a bit left out that I wasn't even asked to be in the wedding where as people who haven't known her as long as I have were asked to be in the wedding party.  Not that I would have accepted but it would have been nice to be asked or at least thought of since I've known her for so long.

Anyhow I guess I'll figure out all that some time this week.  So today I got my haircut so that it will be nice, clean, and shaped up.  I got the back underneath shaved so the back didn't look like a big bush.  It was looking pretty hideous but now it's all good.  Hopefully people won't think it's too crazy looking.  We'll see tomorrow when my mom and sis come back home tomorrow.  Not that I really care what they think about it, but I'm sure they will have something to say about it.

I ordered a new computer today because this laptop is slowly dying.  It's slow and it keeps crashing on me for unknown reasons.  I'll also be getting a new printer that has a scanner.  So I'll be sure to get some pictures up so you can all see me or see my lovely pictures of things I took.  I'm really excited about it because I think I'm going to start selling some things on ebay to help pay for my loans.  Plus I have a lot of things I need to get rid of that I don't really care about anymore that I'm sure someout there in the world might really want.

I can honestly say this month has severely sucked and it just got started. However, 4 weeks or so has really sucked. With my grandma not seeming to get any better. Me not being able to find a job. I don't know what I'm going to do now. My life right now just really sucks and anytime I try to do something it send me a set forward but then all of a sudden something comes from behind and clips my knee and I fall down and fall steps upon steps behind. I really don't know what to do anymore. I've tried and tried to make my life better but nothing has worked. I'm alone, miserable, and really just don't have faith in much of anything anymore.

Well I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm posting now. I was going through my favorite links to see what sites I could get rid of.

Well my grandma had a stroke about 3 weeks ago. So I've been splitting time from being at home and being at my grandma's house. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and we had to send her to a nursing home for rehabilitation. But they only thing I've noticed is when she does have energy to talk she talks more. She still doesn't make much sense every now and then. For some reason I think she blames me for this happening.

Well I'm trying to find some kind of job any kind of job for the meantime so I have some kind of income to pay off my school loans. Because I haven't been having any luck finding a job in the field I went to school for because I don't have enough experience. So if anyone could help me out getting a job. I applied for Blockbuster but haven't heard from them.

I know, I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry about that, but I have some good reasons. The main reason my mind really hasn't been in a place to write about anything. that might be due to the fact I had a huge bump on my back near my shoulder. Turns out I had a major infection. It had to be lanced and drained. I had packing placed in the infection area where there was a wick. Every so often the wick had to be pulled to remove some of the packing to help drain out the infection and man sometimes it really hurt. According to the nurse I apparently have a high tolerance of pain, and all the while I thought I had a low threshold for pain. Anyways so for three weeks I was in and out of the doctors office having my back checked and every day having the guaze cover the area change along with having the packing slowly removed by my mom. Also during this time couldn't wash the area so my mom had to help me wash my hair and I had to wash cloth showers so the infection didn't get wet.

Now to current time I've just been really lazy, but also I've just been really tired and I'm not really thinking straight lately. I really do think something is wrong with my health, however I really don't want to have to go back to the doctor's office. I know, I need to get off my ass and get a job so I can pack loans and then pay back my mom for all the things she has gotten me.

Anyhow I think I want to try and start off with a clean slate now, since I'm into a new chapter of my life, to sound really cheesy, of actual adulthood. Meaning needing to take resposibilty. In order to do that though I need to clear up things that have been in my mind for that happened in the past.