I'm so stressed and depressed right now I don't know what to do. No one ever seems to be around o do anything. So then I end up alone and by myself. I get so worried or paranoid I start talking to myself and then thus freaking myself out even more. Which the leads me to be depressed. I just can't handle anything anymore. I really don't know what to do. Except I consantly rant and complain online, but that doesn't do me any good. I listen to what people say, but most people's advice I can't take. Either because of finacial reasons or because those things are just things that don't make me happy. I don't even know what really makes me happy anymore anyways. I don't know what wrong with me anymore. I think I've lost my true self. But I don't even know if I or anyone else knows who my true self even is.

Well I finally got a call back from Universal Music Group, but unfortunately each time they call I'm in class or somewhere else where I have to have my cell phone on silent or off. I'm pretty sure I'll hear back from them on Monday though, cause I'll be available to get to my phone, because I just have to mail some stuff and do laundry. I have an interview with ABC on Tuesday morning. Which causes a dilema for me. I don't know. Depending on how that interview goes will determine if I take the Universal Internship or the ABC one if they offer it to me.

Other than internships stuff not much new is going on. My life is pretty much a bore. Oh except for the fact I went to see a taping of Soaptalk. I'd only seen clips of the show online so this was the first time I'd ever seen the entire show. I went because Elizabeth Hendrickson, she plays Maggie on All My Children, was a guest. I ended up getting to see part of the show that taped before the show she was on and it was sort of boring. Maybe that's because I'm not really into makeup and acesories, however you spell it. Well after that show got done taping they made us go back outside and wait. Which was sort of cool, because got to see some of the stars from General Hospital walk out to their cars. The coolest was to see Anthony Geary, he plays Luke Spencer on General Hospital for those of you who don't know much about Soaps. He's like my mom's favorite soap star, and she doesn't even watch them anymore. Anyhow it seemed like hours before they let us back in and it probably was. When they finally did I got to sit like in the 3rd row which wasn't bad. Elizabeth was the first guest on after their host chat, they really do try to make this show like Regis and Kelly it's sort of really sad. Anyhow she was on and chatted about the character of Maggie, the comedy show she did at Caroline's, and then talked about being single in NY. It was rather interesting. I know I'm not going into details about things because my memory really isn't that good, so that's why I just sumarize. Then they had her sing. That was pretty cool cause I'd never heard her sing before. She's a really good singer. She sang the song Out Here On My Own. It was really good. I remembered hearing Molly Shannon sing a partial version of it in her movie Superstar so inside I was sort of laughing because I was thinking of that movie not anything else. But Elizabeth really sang it well and you could feel the emotion behind the song. The song has always been a song that's very special to me so it was good hearing it performed live especially by someone I think is really cool. After that she stayed out for this applying makeup segement, which again I really didn't care because I'm not really into makeup, but her staying out was the only reason I paid attention. Then after that I was just kind of sitting there wondering if I'd make it back to hotel in time for dinner. Other than that it was good experience.

After I left I decided since I was near the Sunset Strip I'd go cruising for a bit, because driving usually helps me clear my thoughts and I really needed to because of the decision on the internships. So I did that. Then got stuck in massive gridlock on the 405. That was just soooooooo much fun. People were driving like idiots too.

I've finished up most of my homework for this weekend. Now all I need to do is study for some tests and read some chapters in some books for some papers that are due in a week or so.

Did I mention listening to soft rock sometimes can make you feel really sad. That in turn gets you to become really lazy and do nothing. Then eventually puts you to sleep. Just thought I'd mention that.

Song of the Day: Daniel Bedingfield - Got To Get Through This